“Well, would you read a memoir by a ‘nobody?’” – The question posed in a loosely named “Writer’s Group,” this week.

The main reason it annoyed me was because it came from an older gentleman who was saying no one will care enough to read one because it won’t be written by someone famous.

WRONG, OLD MAN!

I’m interested. It’s why I watch things like documentaries on wrongfully convicted criminals, why I like the movie “Girl Interrupted” (for those who CBF reading the book.) It’s a trip to experience/learn about a life you will never lead and a path you will never walk. And it doesn’t matter if the author is famous or not.

When the comment came from an older man, I didn’t understand.  I want to know about his life…did he serve in the military? Did he experience racism from either side over the years? Was his headmaster allowed to use a cane in school? Did he remember where he was when the trade centres were demolished? Does he have any tips for me on how to adult since a lot of us can’t even change a tire these days?

While I was promoting KOS, I came across a young indie author’s memoir regarding her stint in jail for drug possession and selling substances. I was fascinated by her take on what happened to her and how she ended up in the situation.

I was also interested in Kayla Hayes’ story about being the victim of extreme domestic violence. The recovered victim has since started her own movement called RISE ABOVE and frequently helps other people who are experiencing similar issues. She doesn’t have a book available but if she did, I would have bought it and I currently follow her on social media to see her journey.

Let’s not forget Elizabeth Wurtzel (RIP) whose memoir “Prozac Nation” seemed to inspire other angsty memoir-style books and movies to spring out from everywhere. It was great to see another type of genre be pushed to the forefront of what it meant to be a writer/ an author.

This time it was explicitly honest, funny and detailed sex acts, depression and suicide attempts…and it has become apparent to me that (believe it or not!) some people aren’t exposed to these themes in their childhoods, teenhoods or adult life. Some people have never known someone who has taken their own life. Others have never even knowingly liaised with someone suffering depression.

Memoirs and autobiographies inspire people to realise their own important turning points and bring knowledge and a point of view to someone who might never have the experience.

Nobody is a nobody. No one really just stays home and watches TV all day, they go to the local shop, they have car trouble and see an old friend while they’re waiting for a tow. They get a random message on social media from an ex-girlfriend after ten years. They start long distance relationships or get messy divorces. Some people find out they have a long-lost sibling, some people think they live a boring life but have a strange family secret they’ve always lived with. Some people have been stalked or had an experience they thought they wouldn’t get out of.  I believe everyone has a story in them, the same way I believe everyone has the ability to create art.

There have been events in my city where you “check out an older person,” meaning that rather than buy a book, people spend an hour with a much older person and hear about their life.

It’s so much fun when you’re out with a group of friends and a topic comes up and everyone shares their sordid tale. You know the kinds of stories; bad date scenarios, horrible service at a restaurant, all the things that don’t make the cut every other day but serve as anecdotal or amusing in another setting. Those things can be memoir-worthy…and we all have them.

I recently found a letter from one of my grandparents. It reminded me that older people (who aren’t experienced with being online) have stories which will be forgotten while Jessica next door has every one of her nasty booty pics forever stored on NSA Instagram servers for the ages. There won’t be evidence of some people’s lives and I’m sure that’s already become different now due to the internet, but there are still so many who are slipping through the cracks. I don’t, and will never, have booty pics anywhere but I do have online presence in a number of creative outlets and nothing ever disappears from the internet. It’s a way to live forever or…at least longer than we used to. Maybe we’re all writing memoirs in another way(?) Maybe one day our social media pages will be assigned to some kids in the year 3000 to analyse for a test on “social interaction in the olden days.”

 I’ve already accepted that some robot in the future will have my voice from all the samples out there and be blowing guys on the corner for a quarter talking about, “how YOU doin?”

My letter to Jiu-jitsu made me consider working on my own memoir again, a project I abandoned several years ago though I’m not actively pursuing right now. Doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t! Everyone has something that’s happened to them which only a small percentage of people have been through. Mine (whenever it gets out there) will have all sorts of misadventures, drama, guns, heartache, medical issues, life-threatening instances and lurrrve for eg. and I’m probably considered a relatively boring person to the naked eye!

 

What would yours contain? Would you want your life to be remembered? Do you think everyone has a story?

 

 

 

 

TLDR:
*Nobody is a nobody and I want to hear everyone’s story.

*You live a life that no one else does. It might be similar, but you do it, and view it your way.

*OLD MAN WAS WRONG!!!

All content is no copyright infringement intended. All posts are opinion only and are subject to change due to experience, kicking ass and learning how to adult more effectively. If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Elements of original content may be reproduced with expressed permission from Ever Eden.

 

 

” Scholars cite Samuel Richardson’s Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded as the first modern romance novel. The story of a teenage maidservant courted by her landowner master, it was enormously popular when it was first published in 1740. “ —source; Google of course. 😛

I currently have two women who have told me they consider Trent Starr one of their “book boyfriends.”  I didn’t know what that term meant…I consulted Urban Dictionary where I got the definition all the cool kids are using: “The hero Male character in the romance novel you’re currently reading. Because real men suck at romance, the book boyfriend exists to fill the void.”

While, I don’t think this is strictly true (CC can be a fucking diamond,) I understand the lonely housewife reading her romance novels trope thingie. It goes for both genders, a lot of straight guys have a movie-crush on the female star because they’ve only had unsatisfactory experiences with women and suddenly there’s a hot girl in front of them with all the qualities they’d choose in a mate.

So what’ll ya have, girl? 😉

You like the Alpha male, huh, huh? The sweet, sensitive type?

The Bad boy?ooooo The nerd who doesn’t know what hit him when she walked in?
The mysterious lone traveler from a faraway? The sexual deviant so prominent in “romance” novels these days?

When did you meet your first book boyfriend/book crush? (shoot me a message and let me know!)

I’ve had a couple the last few years, but mine don’t stay in my head long and nope…no boys from the Darkrose Novels. Some of mine have been unlike people I’m attracted to IRL so I’m not sure how it works, but I think you read a book and the male lead appeals to something you need in your life at that time.

Oh shit, she gon psychologize my ass.

Yup, here’s my theory based on a personal epiphany/anecdote. I’m sure the internet has theories, and maybe even proven phenomena regarding this kind of thing, but here’s my take.

Once again, I’ll first repeat the disclaimer that—I never wrote Trent Starr as a book boyfriend or to create my ideal man, as some authors proudly admit.— I originally just wanted someone to play off Cleo Darkrose. She was female, kind of Alpha, harsh and ambitious whereas those qualities seem faded in Trent Starr and getting them back throws a spoke in the wheels for everyone. He challenges the way she perceives the world due to different experiences. She juggles whether it’s a weakness she can tolerate on her mission. But as I wrote him, coupled with the research I’d begun (read about that in this post,) he started to come to life with little guidance from me anymore.

I started thinking he’d be kind of cool to hang with. We all like underdogs, people who battle hard times with a sense of humour and hope. Trent Starr was almost a book boyfriend (I think,) because I thought about him when I wasn’t reading or writing about him(?) He was cool, and he was fucked up but he wasn’t like people I had known. He let me escape my shit reality by imagining what it would be like if I had a friend/other like him. I really liked how good he was to Cleo Darkrose, even sometimes annoying me because he was overly-fair, but he always keeps his integrity and respect.

I noticed, as I was going through another hard time with my then “relationship” that Trent Starr’s actions or words would very subtly change when interacting with Cleo Darkrose. He would be…(for lack of a better term,) nicer. He’d never snapped at her, abused her, put her down or criticized things about her anyway, but the way he went about things seemed more gentle than one might expect from a character going through what he was (during KOS and Red Cowboys.) He was rational even when he was confused, mad or hurt and never took it out on the people he was with.

The last few years he and I have grown apart as I grew up and moved on from my own damage. I now feel like he was an important high school sweetheart who I’ll always care about but know that it’s impracticable between us, so I just wish him well and hope he and Cleo sort their shit out.

It wasn’t intentional. I dislike it when authors say the characters “write themselves,” because they never explain what that means and it sounds like they’re trying to act like it’s some mystical talent no one else will understand.  What do I know? Maybe it is. I’ve just been doing it since childhood so it’s not second nature (like the description of Trent Starr fighting) it’s first. I don’t find it difficult and I  n e v e r   have Writer’s Block. However, explaining the “magic” is still hard…but I’ll try.

When I write for Trent Starr (or any other character) there’s an idea, rough outline and sort of plan eg; he needs to get to this certain point in his arc by around this installment. Besides that, I just keep him vaguely inside some lines that get wavy and have a little give…

I think that this is how authors fall in love with their own characters and make their own book boyfriends.

I want Trent Starr to do things, but if they aren’t in his character (cliched, but true) then he won’t/can’t do them. When he gets in a certain situation, sometimes I can’t predict what he is supposed to do until the last second. And that distance is just enough to allow me to feel a little curiosity and mystery about him, even though essentially came of my own brain and hands.

So, back to your book boyfriends, are we looking for things we can’t get in real life? Imagining a love we’ll never receive from the less-than-capable partners we waste our time on? Are we drawn to certain male characters (or female ones, -politically correct inclusive disclaimer even though you KNOW it was just a figure of speech-) because there is an abundance of shit floating in the dating pool?

I’m not saying I believe it entirely, but there was a theory going around that women liked dominating and/or more traditional relationship dynamics in books, due to the fact men in reality are being feminized in the western world. I mean, I don’t know about that because nearly all Urban Fantasy books seem to contain a reverse harem now where the lovestruck guys all take turns being her bitch for the night but it was an interesting take on the apparent culture.

So, what are we looking for? A little bit of fiction to make us feel not as lonely?

Whatever helps or makes you smile, better yet – allows you to use your own imagination and hope there is someone out there who is not a douchebag. 

Agent Trent Starr is more than happy for you to make him your book boyfriend whenever you need. He’s a decent guy and will probably never let you down, ( I think?) So…knock yourself out!

 

TLDR:

*What type of book boyfriend do you seem to go for? It’s almost a personality test for how fucked up you are.

*Some authors say they have a book boyfriend in their own book. I think I understand how.

*I don’t have a book boyfriend atm. But I thought about Agent Starr’s qualities a lot over the years.

*Agent Trent Starr is hot.

 

 

 

 

All content is no copyright infringement intended. All posts are opinion only and are subject to change due to experience, kicking ass and learning how to adult more effectively. If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Elements of original content may be reproduced with expressed permission from Ever Eden.

 

 

 

 

Fiction is amazing. There are fantasy books about elvish creatures and magical powers that come from the furthest corners of an author’s mind. There are what I call “regular” fiction books, where the author writes about a court case, divorce, some other dramatic occurrence that takes place in a lot of people’s lives but the characters in the book are made up. Hard Sci-fi isn’t really my genre, but same as fantasy, you find far off worlds and things that do not exist and probably never will which is still interesting.

I like the Urban Fantasy vibe (King of Spades isn’t Urban Fantasy but if you’ve read it, you’ll know what I’m getting at.) I find it believable and engrossing because it’s instantly relatable on levels the reader probably doesn’t even realise, “Hey, I have a car! Hey, I have a pet dog too!” “Hey, I have to go to work every day like a drone!”  I like a reader to believe my world easily so when I throw out a super soldier (oops spoiler, coming soon, but not in Red Cowboys 😉 ) they won’t have a problem believing it.

I mostly like “sci-fi,” eg: advanced technology and concepts like body acoustics/augmentation, weapons and medical. In King of Spades and Red Cowboys, we’re introduced to the CRONE, the RAVENEYE, the TERN, collapsible cell phones, invisibility suits and advanced aircraft with no name.

The agency in King of Spades is fictional but, if you don’t let the first few sponsored pages of Google do your thinking, you can get deep into a rabbithole search and find history which includes “clandestine” or Top Secret agencies. MDS is based on the Majestic 12 group who apparently formed after the weather balloon/aircraft crash in the much-famous Roswell, New Mexico 1947. MDS was also inspired by the Bavarian Illuminati. Yes, before the last few years, the “Illuminati” wasn’t just some joke an edgy teen made on some other dickhead’s Instagram post.

Are all “Secret Agencies” spooky? Probably not. Some operate “secretly,”due to security issues or (my favourite-not!) potential ethical concerns should their experiments or beliefs become common knowledge.

The Darkrose Novels began a long time ago and seemed “farfetched” but now feature concepts that are uncommon but available…(think DARPA and the projects they pretend they aren’t working on anymore.) Early drafts of KOS featured drones disguised as insects etc. Nowadays, a lot of what I write about is on our doorstep, not decades away, and most likely already exists somewhere we don’t know.

I believe in imagination, but also in researching your subject. Getting the mix right for your book might just kill you.

Agent Trent Starr is an elite Red-Tag, MDS Agent. Being approx 25years old(when we meet him,) having the upbringing and seeing what he has, is not too common in the western world.

He’s one of my favourite characters to write because he challenges me in multiple ways. One path he lead me down was reading a lot of discharged army personnel memoirs and stories on various sites, watching interviews and even having chats with a couple who saw combat and live with the effects every day. It’s something that’s now close to my heart and I strive to meld all those stories together to insert them into Starr’s psyche so the real stories aren’t lost and can reach people who wouldn’t know about them.

I also research more things about his arc than any other character at the moment. There are probably only one or two other characters who make me buy secondhand medical text books and trauma unit recounts/books describing how certain projectiles damage human tissue and things of that nature. Trent Starr’s MDS career is centered around being a kickass sniper. I’ve used firearms, but nothing like a sniper would.  So guess what I did?

Yup, me and my third grade-like grasp of mathematics painfully researched a shitload of sniper stuff;  memoirs/books, youtube videos, documentaries, interviews, weapons, weapon specifications, lives of a spotters, drop rates x distance, targets, verbal calls/instruction, Density Altitude cards, industries which employ snipers, mathematical formulas,  world records, even the much-debated, theorized, believed by some and hated on by others, Coriolis factor. What is that? Look it up, I didn’t know those words before I met Trent Starr either.

I could write an essay on what I know, I think MAYBE I could walk into a shop or gunshow and select something based on specs of similar brands etc. No, I don’t know everything, not even close AT ALL, but I probably know all I can without owning a similar rifle and living a lifestyle I have no way of living in my current location.

The hard thing is inserting this into the story.

I don’t want to bombard a reader with facts that are (mostly) irrelevant to the story. Yes, Trent Starr has a kickass hybrid, fictional sniper rifle and you should know it’s awesome, but I’ve read books where the author goes into meticulous detail about things I don’t have to care about in order to appreciate the scene or story. I try not to do it unless I think it’s completely necessary and it doesn’t make me think less of the author or story, but I’m not a fan.

Sometimes all that great research has to be stomped into a single sentence. Some people find it hard to let go because it was grueling earning the knowledge. (#murderyourdarlings)

But you need to stay true to your story…

I don’t change my art/books/songs to suit trends or rules, at least not to anything that differs much from the original. I’ve taken out parts of violent scenes in some books, not because I care about offending anyone (fuck off,) but because sometimes the writing became quite technical without me realising, particularly hand-to-hand combat scenes or describing preciseness of a murder due to my knowledge of anatomy/trauma/homicide cases. No one wants a step-by-step lesson on how to cut off the circulation to someone’s brain…unless they do, in which case Google is your friend, not me. I’m not writing an instruction manual here.

If you’ve never had a martial arts/self-defence training session or read about the intricacies of some techniques, (or aren’t a UFC/Bellator or general MMA fan,) stating where you need to have the crook of your elbow and how many seconds it takes for you to slide your hand up your other bicep and send your opponent to the Shadowrealm isn’t vital to the story. The end game (above example; an attacker is unconscious because Cleo Darkrose made him that way) is all you need to care about right now, give or take a few hints for visuals to see it in your head.

But it’s important to research your topics because it makes more information accessible to select what you think is effective.

Don’t make it one of those books where the female lead is 115 pounds but miraculously takes down a giant man with a spin and some sort of punch to his throat that’s two feet above her. It seems like too much artistic license. It depends on genre, but unless it’s a fantasy novel where magic powers exist, that stuff is sometimes waaaaayyyy too unlikely. A quick search into combat sports (for eg) might get the author to think about weights/weight divisions, why “reach” is considered an important factor with betting odds between two boxers etc. They might watch some instructional kickboxing vids or random youtube vids showing just what it entails to execute a tornado kick…which looks amazing in the movies but here’s what it’s really like.

Research all you can so that your books can weave in and out of reality and fiction and not disrupt the immersion.

 

 

TLDR:
* research until your eyes bleed. In order to squeeze out the one sentence demonstrating your ply of knowledge on the subject – you need to have potential to unleash more, you just don’t.

*Don’t write an instruction manual, you’re creating fiction.

*Take that artistic license, fam, but unless it’s fantasy…I dunno if you should go nuts…

*Banner art model/Starr-eyed look alike; the sexiest man I know. #bannerman

*For another post on my thoughts about Cleo Darkrose being able to do some crazy fight moves, you can click here. Also…that is where I brag that I met THE Meisha Tate. <3

 

All content is no copyright infringement intended. All posts are opinion only and are subject to change due to experience, kicking ass and learning how to adult more effectively. If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Elements of original content may be reproduced with expressed permission from Ever Eden.

We’ll be meeting again very soon…

We started out as a fun thing. You were there in the background and I was off smashing kickshields and awkwardly punching the heavy bags. I’d seen a lot of the guys hang out with you, usually the tanned, muscled and Brazilian variety, but none of those things interested me. It was you. You were a bit of a mystery, and I wondered how you and I would get on together if we ever met.

My first real introduction to you later was a “why not?” scenario. A friend and I strolled over from the other side of the room and just thought we’d say hi and hang out for an hour. I’ll be honest, it was kind of weird to first meet you, but luckily by then I’d already experienced a lot of close contact with others due my time in the place…however, lying on my back with my legs apart was a new one in this setting. Lol 😉 #pullingguard

I was lucky that I didn’t have to approach you alone, and with the help of a couple of friends who were also curious about you, we hit it off over the next few weeks.

You were interesting, and you challenged me in nearly every way I could think of. First, I felt extremely inadequate, which I’d gotten used to feeling with all the other things I was doing there anyway, I was never a physical person, and all your other friends were seemingly so much better than me at understanding you…and they seemed to be able to do it so quickly.

I also thought I was too heavy, there was no competition weight bracket for where I was at, which made me think you didn’t have a place for me at all. I’m not that weight anymore, but I went through a lot of months sabotaging my own technique because I didn’t want to hurt others with my perceived weight and I also believed I wouldn’t be able to do it the way you wanted anyway.

You and I progressed slowly as I went through (and in and out of) an abusive relationship, work issues, health and family issues and dealt with many things that had nothing to do with you, but effected the way you and I interacted more than you would ever believe.

I often left in tears after being with you. I’d drive home a mess the whole journey, feeling that I’d disappointed you and also my friends, as well as myself, especially on the days where I was actually mentally present and gave 100%. Some days I’d arrive in the parking lot and sit there listening to the radio trying to convince myself to cross the road and say hello to you. Sometimes one of your good friends would see me and I’d smile and pretend I was just taking a long time before coming inside.

It finally hit me that I was close to being done with you, the time I came downstairs and was seen by your good friends and your best friend, the black belt coach. I even waved hello…then I turned around when I thought no one was looking and ran away to my car because I couldn’t spare the mental energy anymore.

I’m sorry.

I didn’t feel good enough and I was tired of the challenges you were giving me both physically and mentally, in addition to everything that was going on in other parts of my life. To be with you literally made me ill for days sometimes due to my illness, being with you comes at a personal cost…I’m not saying you weren’t/aren’t worth it, it was just very hard some days, even when things were good with us.

I tried to be confident and branch out into seeing you at other times of the day so I could hang out with you and different people at different skill levels, shake things up and renew my interest…

But I only did it once because I got teary during a roll (embarrassing as it may be.) Everything was getting to me, I was uncomfortable, underslept, sad about the current state of my life, and frustrated that despite the couple of years I’d been your friend, I still was unable to be good enough to call you my friend.

Right before that, I was rolling with a new student. Your black belt friend and an opponent’s boyfriend were standing over us and shouting her advice on how to win. It wasn’t personal, I understood that then, and obviously understand it now but on the day, it was just too much…and when the timer went off right before she was about to succeed, I was so relieved that I could just leave with the slight sliver of pride I was surprised I even possessed after the last few years of living my life.

I’d heard you crushed egos, and I’d always thought I was safe because I felt I had no confidence and was used to being low. Boy, you stomped that idea out fast and hard. THEN you continued…You showed me that I could be an asshole too.

Once I was hanging with you and there was a sexist guy with us. And you know me, I’m fair, I’m not some ‘feminist’ who hates the opposite sex, but he really was offensive. He was muttering to himself and then openly calling me a bitch while he and I were rolling, dropping cliches like “ladies first” beforehand and not being ironic or making a friendly joke about it. During our interaction, he wouldn’t tap. I was flaunting my love for a good Kata Gatame and he. would. not. tap.

I kept asking if he was okay when I felt him become less aggressive in my grip. He told me it was fine even though his voice was strained and I second-guessed my actions were working (even though I had applied it right and was looking forward to sending this idiot to the Shadowrealm.) Finally, he tapped before he went out. Then he stood up looking worse for wear and laughed saying, “Ya got me!” and tried to make it a joke.

I was angry and told him he needed to tap as soon as he felt he was in danger. But part of me was kind of pleased he’d tapped due to the choke because he’d been such a massive dickhead. #myego

I took a lot of time away from you, JJ. It was because I was going through serious family and health issues mostly, it wasn’t all you. The last time we saw each other, you and I hadn’t been together for awhile due to finance and my hospitalisation…and we both know nearly all of 2019 was a write off anyway because I was performing on stage too.

But I was looking forward to hanging out so much.

On my first day back, I saw you had new friends and a new black belt best friend. My other friends were sitting out towards the end of the 90mins and they (maybe unbeknownst to you or anyone else) often did that when you had new friends. When you get new friends, sometimes some of them can be rough, aggressive, kind of sexist, over-confident and arrogant. My ego (the one I thought I didn’t have) wanted to try and see how I would go with these tools. Unfortunately one of your new friends was over-zealous and I ended up with a fractured rib, separating me and you for a further 8 weeks.

Everything I’d read said I’d be out for 6 weeks, but being unable to breathe or lift things lasted longer for me, maybe age, maybe gender, maybe body composition, who knows. You’re a big chunk of what I thought about though…and I’d seemingly neglected you the last year so I felt pretty bad on a few levels. I was looking forward to working hard at ‘us’ again when my injury happened.

At the end of my recovery period and Christmas 2019, when I thought I’d return, more complicated health issues arose and I still haven’t seen you.

I miss you. I miss who I am when I’m talking about you, even when you frustrate the shit out of me. I miss also having you in common with my friends. I miss doing things the way you want and even (surprisingly) succeeding sometimes even when it’s really hard.

Disclaimer: I don’t miss accidentally eating other people’s sweat, their smelly clothes and wet chest hair, washing my gis, ripping my hair, not being able to sing after a good choke and more… 😀

I know we’ve taken longer to get to know each other than some of your other friends. It’s my fault, but the things happening to me weren’t, so I’m hoping you can forgive me and we can start again. When I come back, I’m not sure if I’ll be successful, but I’m going to try and put you high on my list of priorities again, and I’m going to try and see you a lot more often.

Until then, just know I’ve been thinking about you for months and I look forward to being in your company despite all the bruises, damaged hair, tears of frustration and horrible, horrible cardio work outs. Our story was cut short…but it is not finished.

 

 

Your friend forever,

Ever.

 

 

All content is no copyright infringement intended. All posts are opinion only and are subject to change due to experience, kicking ass and learning how to adult more effectively. If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Elements of original content may be reproduced with expressed permission from Ever Eden.