*WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PART OF KING OF SPADES?*

I haven’t read it for a long time. A reader reached out to me on social media and told me she was enjoying Cleo’s physical description while in Call. She quoted the line, “shitload of black mascara.” I have certain lines which stick in my head and give me a chuckle, but thinking about a particular scene in KOS isn’t something I do…If I have to choose something from King of Spades, I’d probably choose these scenes:

 

Cleo laying eyes on Agent Starr for the first time since their break up.  I think the description/overthinking/initial awkwardness is effective. We’ve all been there, right?

right??

:\

(Obviously) any time Cleo yeets someone. She don’t GAF! I like the extraction of the civilians and the use of the CRONE and rear-naked choke against intruders. I like the way she Deletes easily and doesn’t feel terrible after, battle-hardened and almost empty,  except for Number One and MDS agenda(which is a good or bad thing, depending.) It’s one thing which makes her alien to me/people because attacking and then Deleting someone probably takes a lot of skill and mental fortitude we probably don’t have in this world where we buy food at the store and get our hair done whenever we feel like it. Sometimes I think she goes too far too fast but it might be due to her training, upbringing and circumstances. The times she just snaps and gets it done are usually the Deletions I like.

Agent Starr breaking his promise in order to protect Cleo (and the civilians, at the dock.)

This is a pivotal moment in Agent Starr’s arc because it’s taken years to no longer want to kill unless he absolutely has to. He experienced warzones, survived injury, met people from troubled areas and questioned his involvement in assignments resulting in the deaths of civilians. Agent Starr told Cleo he doesn’t want to kill if he doesn’t have to, and he regards his word as bond. It takes seeing his partner in a life or death situation for him to betray himself, and all the deliberation to reach his decision, for it to be discarded. The slow-motion, but violent recoil of the RavenEye -certain death delivered- juxtaposed with his blank face/resignation/concentration stay in my mind. It’s also art to Cleo as she’s observing because she knows what his actions mean, how he is betraying personal morals in order to do what needs to be done and something that’s essentially her fault.

The Limo

The cviilians’ helplessness and Starr’s recognition he’s landed them in the mess because he was preoccupied with dealing with personal feelings. Julia has made some heroic actions leading up to this part but with no adrenalin and being tired, she is back to freaking out and having to rely on other people. You can literally feel her fear and confusion.

Joe’s rant about 9/11 being an inside job and how governments are corrupt. This sentiment is something a LOT more people believe IRL than around 2003 (and prior) when he was originally written. The mindset represented by a character so clearly, and even though he is obviously a “bad guy” that is taking out his frustration on Starr, the fact the frustration is delivered blatantly shows the Truth For Life group in KOS is volatile at this stage, leading to questions about whether they are responsible for what happens next.

Cleo’s hand on Starr’s chest in Menas.

After Starr drops another confession, it’s a wordless moment but words scream in the silence. The agents are about to go in different directions and whatever happens to them during that time, is up to them alone. They have to separate to focus on other things, when they still have so much to say to each other. The rushed moment and unfairness that they don’t get time to talk is shadowed by the tension throughout previous chapters indicating they have unfinished business(the exchange through the door at the motel, the permission slip in Starr’s pocket at the dock.) I like how Cleo compartmentalises fast and sets the example.

 

 

 

TLDR:

*I haven’t read King of Spades for a long time

*I usually have favourite lines of narrative or dialogue, not usually scenes.

*A reader-inspired post is awesome!

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All content is no copyright infringement intended. All posts are opinion only and are subject to change due to experience, kicking ass and learning how to adult more effectively. If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Elements of original content may be reproduced with expressed permission from Ever Eden.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I went back to training.

I don’t kid myself, I was never super-talented at anything physical. Cliche, I was a bookworm, writer, singer, nerd in the corner who didn’t like sports or talking to people. There were reasons, but I didn’t get into anything unnecessarily physical or interactive in my younger years. I’m now an extrovert in all those personality tests(Myer Briggs etc) and in life as an adult. Certain situations growing up curbed the way I acted publicly. Occasionally this comes up but not all the time.

Martial Arts training was something I did to write better for Cleo. For eg; when she first made it to the page, she was proficient in Kali. The first versions of KOS had her beating the utter shit out of people with sticks in some amazing scenes I went on to draw in comic book form for a study course. Later versions of KOS had her change to weaponry more convenient to carry in an urban setting and my time of being enamoured with Kali/Escrima and nunchuck kata faded. When I first walked into my dojo, I was looking to do something different, that I’d wanted to do for years, but also to gain experience for my writing. I told one of my (awesome) instructors, when I met them, that I’m a musical/writing type and this was out of my scope. He told me he was musical too (found out he is a legit virtuoso) so it must have sounded like an excuse, but I really believed I had no business being in the building.

Imagination and writing are about inventing and adding artistic license/spin. You can write a reasonably convincing piece of work from good research alone. There are millions of forums, witness accounts, scientific evidence, pictures, media etc all over the internet that can help you describe being shot without actually taking a bullet, for eg. If you do your homework well, it usually works enough. But sometimes you want to live the real thing. Interpretations can be vastly different depending on who you are, so I don’t even take my own experience as the only norm when I subsequently use it in my books…but experiencing the general idea helps a lot.

I wanted to learn how it felt to use a technique and how it felt to be taken down, how I’d cope with the challenge and how I’d react mentally to this type of adversity. I walked out of there that first night feeling like I didn’t know shit and it was actually GOOD. The day after, I was excited and so motivated.

Lol Skip to now and training means: challenge, ego-check, discipline, goal, friendship, exercise, eye-openers into your own motivations and limits, experience in adversity, overcoming fear, mental strength, mindfulness, ideas for books…all of it.

I wouldn’t be the same person, I would not have seen myself through a lot of what’s happened to me if I didn’t have this because it has changed HOW I think.

Coming back is terrifying. Last night I almost cried. Ok, I did cry on the way home. I felt inadequate, unfit, and like I didn’t belong. I was thinking about being tapped by a young guy I’d never seen before- him being able to do the specific action because I was legitimately too weak to move. That wouldn’t have happened at the start of last year. And that’s not a flex, I was training more, things were coming together as muscle memory, I didn’t have to think about some movements. I probably would have avoided being in the position in the first place. My ego/sense of self(?) hurts, my positive and excited disposition waned with the exhaustion last night. When I left, I was a mess that needed copious amounts of Freddos. 

Last night I told myself that not everyone there had to take a year off with brain injury and a broken bone, going from bed to the pc every day because I couldn’t do anything else. It’s going to take time to get back to the (still mediocre lol) level I was. It’s one thing to be told to go at your own pace and take it slow, but it doesn’t feel good when you struggle to keep up, and feel like you’re letting people down or frustrating them. Lol, it’s like I want to bring a blooper/showreel with me, behind the scenes footage from the last year; all the tears, stumbles, struggles with health and mental energy – look! This is why I suck!! I’m trying and I will be better soon, I promise!

Arrghhh, I’m still worthyyyyy! 

But I needed that year off. Aside from injury, a fractured rib, nerve issues, hospitalisations, sudden abandonment by the LOML, the disintegration of all my future plans… I was tired of training too. The long drive there, traffic, the constant feeling of inadequacy, perception that everyone else was advancing in skill and I wasn’t, lack of focus, the pressure I put on myself. The year away has given me a new perspective that I hope doesn’t change. I feel mostly good to come back overall, but I know it won’t be easy. There are things my body is going to struggle with, maybe forever. Some of this was mortifying…I’d call it, and it wouldn’t come…no strength, technique…memory…It was disappointing and embarrassing…

A few coaches modified things, mindful of me just to get me started, and I appreciate that. I hope I can get up to an acceptable level soon and not be as awkward. I’m laughing at myself too; there were drills I. could.not.do. When I landed on my butt three times, I stayed down on the mats and just giggled. It was literally like a baby learning to walk, I’d do a few reps of something and BAM! A year ago it didn’t require effort. It requires muscle, balance and coordination I don’t have right now. The other two sessions involved getting bruised because my skin is weak and unconditioned and I missed the target I wanted (I connected with someone’s elbow. More than once.) I came home bruised and muscles aching everywhere for DAYS…but familiar and in the current state of the world and my own personal world…it was G O O D!

 

 

TLDR:

*I went back to training. It’s hard and I’m suffering some stuff that might be permanent.

*Psychology has to change to accept pushing limits won’t always reap results.

*Research is good, provided you do it well, but experience adds to your repertoire of things to describe.

*My foot hurts like a bitch. No idea what I did to it.

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All content is no copyright infringement intended. All posts are opinion only and are subject to change due to experience, kicking ass and learning how to adult more effectively. If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Elements of original content may be reproduced with expressed permission from Ever Eden.

 

 

So…I didn’t write it for you. And I’m pretty sure other authors didn’t either.

Once again I’m annoyed at the permission-seeking weirdos in writer’s groups. I like that people ask peers for advice and there is conversation…but the internet it is a strange place and people who answer either don’t know what they’re talking about, know enough to have an ego and think they know their shit (sometimes they do!) or they are Karens. “Karen” used to mean a middle-aged angry divorcee with a bad haircut who always wants to speak to the manager for something totally unnecessary. During the last few months, the MSM and drone sheep have tried to hi-jack it for themselves and apply it to anyone who stands up for themselves publicly. For this blog post, it’s going to be applied to randoms on the internet who want to nerf and police the world to suit them. You may see them commenting on a post they don’t agree with on a social media page they “liked and followed.” They literally go to the comment section and write “I don’t like this. Please unsubscribe me.”  It’s cute…and also stupid.

I thought I’d put my thoughts on this issues away but I see this stuff nearly every day…If you’re the Original Poster, this is my opinion, (which I probably also gave you in the way of a semi-sarcastic oneliner. Cos that’s how I roll.) It’s not personal, I just can’t stand the premise and the precedent your inability to think for yourself is setting.

The comment I’m referring to asked, “Am I allowed to kill a dog in my book?”

I have a dog IRL, I like dogs a lot. Some of the saddest movies I’ve seen have involved the deaths of animals. Use it. Why the hell would you not? If I had a plot that could fit this in, hell yes, I would do it. I would build it up so much that you legitimately love the furry little character the most…then I will mop the fucking floor with your feelings when I kill it off. I wouldn’t do it for no reason either; shock value seems to work slightly better on film, there has to be a point to anything you write on the page otherwise it’s wasted word and page count. Aside from that…there is no reason why you can’t kill Rex the puppy.  You’re supposed to be taking your reader/audience on a journey where they use their emotions and become involved. What a good way to ensure it.

Who exactly are you asking permission from?
There are people in this world who have no personality or plans for their life, whose only means to feel worthy is passing judgement on random people over the internet. These people come in many forms. Some of the funniest are the Karens. They’re the ones who literally make me laugh out loud in the “Oh, honey no…” kind of way that is (almost) even endearing! But why did the OP want to give them an opportunity to climb on a soapbox? On the thread, I was able to find a few comments saying that it wasn’t right to kill off the dog, also that it would alienate people, it would make sales go down (because that’s the most important thing… :\  ) and that it’s distasteful.

Know what is also distasteful? Fucking life.

There are pedos, murders, rapists, crooked cops, bad bosses, alcoholics who beat their wives and more. They exist in the real world, and there are a lot of them.

If you can’t handle the thought, stay at home where you feel safe and you can think about lollipops and needlecraft all day …Don’t you dare think you can tell someone how to think or what to create.

~ Fuck.   You. ~

Where’s your spine, OP?
Why ask internet Karens anything? Doesn’t anyone create anymore without worrying about offending a hysterical, consumed-too-much-MSM loser? If someone is offended at words on a paper/screen then they need to grow a pair.

Write your story. Do not police your art for anyone. If you write something that offends one person, so what? I struggle to identify with someone who restricts their creativity, especially in case someone might not like it.  If your story is shitty and has things which weren’t written as well as they should have been, you will probably figure that out in one of your drafts or edits. You don’t go on an open forum with know-nothings, jealous idiots and Karens to get any answer worth shit and not before you’ve even written a first draft. Wtf.

Being offended is subjective.  What you take offense to depends on personal variables eg: how you grew up, where you live now, your community, your country, your family, your old school, your work, your past experiences. An author cannot cater for everyone, and shouldn’t have to try. As I wrote here, there are over 7 billion people in the world, you can’t make them all happy.

Karen, if don’t like the story/novel, based on the warnings you had prior; the blurb, other reader reviews, advertised genre etc. then stop reading and put the book down. It just wasn’t for you. Just like the restaurant you don’t go to anymore or the cereal you no longer buy because you had it once and didn’t care for it. Take some responsibility and stop trying to blame others/judge others for your choices.

OP, kill the dog. If it helps your story and is a key element, do it. Karen is a dumbshit.

 

 

 

 

TLDR:

*Do not police your art because you think some one random somewhere may not like it.
* If your controversial element has a reason to be in the book, and is written well, then do it.

*Real Karens are funny.

*For every book Karen, there are a hundred regular people who will think your plot is rad and appreciate your work.

 

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All content is no copyright infringement intended. All posts are opinion only and are subject to change due to experience, kicking ass and learning how to adult more effectively. If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Elements of original content may be reproduced with expressed permission from Ever Eden.

If she’s a “strong female character” why do you insist on showing her at her most vulnerable, naked, riding a stranger and not paying attention so people can shoot her in the back? #punisher

I am SO TIRED of movies and television series where the second they introduce a female character, you know she will have a sex scene within the next two episodes. I’m not a third-wave feminist screaming about rights I already have, but I see the agenda in the entertainment industry, and it runs alongside the pedo agenda and the celebrities now coming forward/being discovered to have been a victim or a perpetrator.  The entertainment industry runs on sexual currency, we all understand how that market works. “Sex sells,” but okay,…I want to fucking watch one film without seeing a pair of breasts that aren’t my own. I want to watch a sitcom (#Shameless) without witnessing some over-the-top ridiculous sex scene that is so removed from reality I have to laugh out loud because it’s so fucking lame.

A male friend told me he supposed the reason behind the inclusion of sex scenes in every conceivable format and genre was probably because of desensitization, that we can go into the easy access to pornography, availability of casual sex via dating apps, sexual content in music vids and the ramifications on culture etc. There is scattered ass everywhere.

We were originally talking about The Last of Us 2 game. I haven’t played it, will never buy it based on the reviews and video excerpts from gamers I respect. The ones who have taken one for the team and sat through the apparently butchering so that other people didn’t have to.  The game opened to decent sales as most hyped game releases do, but then ended up on trade-in shelves so fast some places actually banned the trade-in service for the game.

Gamers who usually get comped/receive copies free or wanted to keep relationships with Sony/Naughty Dog seem to really hate it, besides the gameplay and cinematics. Apparently, the anticipated sequel didn’t respect the mythology and storyline that made the original game a heart-wrenching action-packed masterpiece. Instead, they killed off Joel, a main star of the first game, in a way that many felt was a big “fuck you” to fans. You can even see gamers with bulk followers literally rip the game out of the console and snap the cd in half while playing. The flimsy storyline apparently appeared more concerned with pushing political narratives, and ended up nonsensical in some parts.

The part we got to discussing was a sex scene in the game in which the male in the scene just so happens to be rendered to look like one of the game creators (…Gross) and a lot of gamers think it was stupid and logistically unrealistic (one of those raw dawg/insta orgasm things) and didn’t think it needed to be included in a VIDEO GAME about zombies. Particularly when it served no purpose. (Following vid timestamped-  it’s only one person’s review of that scene 🙂  )

I don’t write or read erotic fiction or even “romance.” If I did, maybe I’d have a different opinion(?) but I just want to see the group of ex-soldiers, the author/director spent making a big deal of, blasting stuff as a vigilante urban militia. I want to see the token female character they introduced beat the utter shit out of someone, and not just be the prostitute or the one baking cookies for the boys at the gym! #KingdomSeason1.

It doesn’t seem often a male lead character will be shown at home arguing with his wife or kids, and if it happens, it’s a footnote apparently adding to the stress of his job/caper/storyline/arc. Every time a female is represented I gotta see her tits and see her screw some other character. So for all the angry 3rd wave feminist stuff (or even #metoo stuff for that matter) you hear about, I’m struggling to see it effect change anywhere in this industry. In my opinion, if a writer or director is talented enough to represent sexual tension, nuance, hints towards the degree of the relationship… they don’t need to saturate the screen with it. If two characters are in a relationship, how about we learn their chemistry through another means besides naked people gyrating their uglies around for 3 mins? How often have writers(of books) been told their audiences aren’t idiots, they understand what is not said provided your writing is effective? I try to be aware of it; when you get too involved in telling backstory or setting up so your reader suffers a tedious info dump. It’s also why some authors are told to steer clear of prologues unless they are dire to the story.

Don’t get me wrong, I know sex scenes in books and movies get tongues wagging/increase ratings and I know random casual sex happens IRL too but…please don’t introduce the female character like she is going to mean anything to the movie or series if she was written in as a throwaway after that specific activity takes place. And in books, I have mentioned it before, please don’t turn your awesome action novel into a porno just because you can. These mediums have pagecount and time constraints, why put in a scene that doesn’t drive the story fwd?

For my books, yes, there is sexytime in latter novels, but not for no reason. And if it was going to be for no reason, it would not stretch for 16 pages of shit you don’t care about.  I’ll never make someone sit through a sex scene that is long and gratuitous for no reason.  Not my genre, not my thing, not where stories I write have their power. If it doesn’t have a major place in your genre, you should give some thought to how you would present it/ if it’s needed.

 

 

 

 

TLDR:

*I find it lame when a movie throws in scattered ass for no reason. It bores me.

*It’s my opinion that you should  build your characters enough that you consider whether you actually need to make them get downnnn

*The mainstream entertainment marked is over-saturated, hypersexualised and hypocritical.

*If you are going to do the sexytime, write it well, and IRL, do it well. You create art. You are art.

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All content is no copyright infringement intended. All posts are opinion only and are subject to change due to experience, kicking ass and learning how to adult more effectively. If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Elements of original content may be reproduced with expressed permission from Ever Eden.

 

 

Agent Trent Starr’s mental health has always been something I worked hard on.

When we meet him (in KOS,) he is skilled, retaining a sense of humour and a hesitance to talk about his time in the military. His transition from geeky, self-deprecating MDS agent to a soldier wasn’t too far for him to travel because the MDS is a strict training ground for “urban warfare.” Trent Starr had already been responsible for several hits/assassinations his superiors assigned by the time he was poached for military service on The Outside.

Trent Starr is a character that is fictional and has some superhero-like preternatural qualities cos, hey, fiction. But he is also rooted in reality and those aspects are ones that are the most relatable. He is somehow able to possess a disposition less jaded than probably expected for a talented, good looking seasoned contract killer (in comparison, Cleo Darkrose is brash, cynical and tired of everyone’s shit, uninterested in changing the disposition.) Starr’s interaction with civilians, other civilian-drafted soldiers on deployment etc seems to have made it so he can snipe someone’s head off clinically but when faced with someone up close in a regular setting, he usually shows them a respect and appreciates human life.

This clash of two extremes, turning them off and on faster and faster as well as the shock of being deployed in warzones for years plays into the splitting of his ideals and how he has to hastily scrape them up and smoosh them together enough to keep moving. RED COWBOYS (the next book) does feature Starr’s inner workings a lot more, and is a book that I’d say is mostly about the way he copes with the aftermath of trauma and his new assignments in addition to finding out more regarding the fate of Cleo Darkrose.

PTSD is not fun. Not everyone suffers the same way and not all PTSD is about soldiers who saw combat, though this is usually the theme associated with the disorder because it seems to be the fastest to translate to people who haven’t experienced it; a person experienced something you never will, saw things you never will and it affected them in an extreme way that they barely understand sometimes.

There are studies suggesting changes in the brain when suffering this disorder are similar in battered wives/victims of abuse, car crash survivors, and victims of crime. There are many elements to it, from enduring life-threatening situations, adrenalin dumps, to not being able to reconcile what you morally believed prior to what you were ordered to do. People struggle with all the components differently. I’ve spoken to victims of crime, domestic violence and veterans as well as read copious amounts of biographies by people living through traumatic events to gain perspectives. I also have my own PTSD/other to draw on. I found there are a lot of differences and variables between cases…but there are a LOT of similarities.

So back to Agent Starr: I wanted someone clearly damaged(upbringing MDS agents experience is cause enough) but trying to maintain a life and make up for things he believes he did wrong. This aspect is a very honourable human quality that I admire, and even if it’s not healthy to push yourself so hard or if they fail, it shows the person’s character eg that they wanted to make things as right as they could. I wanted the little boy still holding onto romanticised ideas of a future, while blasting people in the head. We’re all dragging baggage. Trent Starr is rarely afforded time to work through his because MDS expects more from their agents, and the weight adds to the injustices and decisions he is forced to make through his character arc.

He manages to keep parts of his personality intact though he is fighting battles in his head as well as on assignment.  The show must go on and the world doesn’t stop long enough for you to catch up so you are left behind or you exhaust yourself trying to remain “normal.” For more on that, click here. Sometimes you even accomplish what you set out to while dragging the baggage, and you can get things done, but it doesn’t mean everything is ok.

Last week I took a break from working on my house and was watching something on youtube when a trailer for a new indie film came up. Pray They Stand Down caught my eye. The film’s Facebook says it is

  “A story that follows a former marine, now civilian through spouts of PTSD, and Anxiety. His biggest challenge is when he returns home to Missouri. Follow Chad Sikeston on this action-packed journey, to the healing process, and use of amazing service dogs.“

I’m SOOOOOO looking forward to this film because I think it’s exceptionally brave to allow others to witness the healing stage after trauma,

AND on top of this…there will be doggos.

I think many people underestimate how important animals are to the human spirit.

The trailer and concept, the people in the movie and it’s kickass director…phew! When I think about things I’ve read, people I’ve spoken to over a decade in order to get a more meaningful background for Trent Starr, I’m amazed and grateful people like this exist. Some stories are enough to make you literally cry, and the fact some vets are walking among us with this stuff in their head is more testament about the strength these men and women have.

 

PRAY THEY STAND DOWN SOCIALS:

Pray They Stand Down Kickstarter: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/bartowcostello/pray-they-stand-down-feature-film

PTSD Film site: https://praytheystanddown.com/

PTSD Film facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ptsdfilm2020/

PTSD fil instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ptsdfilm2020/

https://apnews.com/article/virus-outbreak-air-force-stress-archive-army-2be5e2d741c1798fad3f79ca2f2c14dd

Pray They Stand Down theatrical trailer: https://youtu.be/f3TNJ2hqH90

 

TLDR:

*PTSD sucks and many people suffer it.

*Agent Trent Starr was the best I could do on paper(so far!) to talk about vets who live with trauma every day.

*Help the movie Pray They Stand Down get made. Here!

*If you are reading this and are one of those people who were discharged and have a story to tell/ who want to follow/chat/talk about nothing with me/show me pics of the town you live/whatever, I’m all ears. Hit me up. I will always listen, and I’m happy to network/be your friend, all of it if I can. The world needs amazing people like you. Even if you feel like you don’t fit into it right now. <3

 

 

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All content is no copyright infringement intended. All posts are opinion only and are subject to change due to experience, kicking ass and learning how to adult more effectively. If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Elements of original content may be reproduced with expressed permission from Ever Eden.