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I only signed up to one or two dating sites. In my experience, they consist of people who are hiding a bad personality/violent streak/weird tendencies or have crazy work hours so they can’t meet people IRL. When you are talking to a man who flies out to work for three weeks on 12 hour shifts and is back home for one week, it’s tough to form something unless you’re both pretty determined. Others are there for a quick hook up and I’m not here to write about the dating app experience in full because angry female bloggers have done that for years, but this is just part of mine.
This is about the “man” who would eventually be known as Mr Passion. Cos fuck him. And fuck people like him on these sites.
Continued from Mr Passion #1
My friend had gone through the site like a freakn rollerdex. I guess she had a lot of steam to blow off and the choo choo train stopped at alllllll stations. The good thing was she’d got the jump on some of these guys and could warn me when they started hitting me up on the site. There was one who literally looked like that picture of the blobfish that goes around but…more lines on his face. He lasted a little longer than some others and she saw him for a few weeks. I think he even met her parents! Later, she told me he asked her to piss on him a bunch of times. She didn’t do it, but she tried to cater to his other fetishes. He had a lot of them. All of them, by the sounds of it. If that’s your thing, go for it! As long as it’s in your house, between two consenting adults and not with or around kids…but I draw the line well before I have to piss on you.
When she stopped seeing him, he texted me, apparently recognising a picture on my dating profile. She had a picture of us on her profile, my face blurred. I had the same picture with her face blurred. Now that I think about it, that was really fucking stupid. But it wasn’t my main pic so, apparently, I’d thought that was okay. He asked me if I was interested and would I feel weird because he briefly dated my friend. I told him no thanks and he kept on and on with reasons to wear me down until I blocked him. Btw, the cliche is true, best friends are perfect when they have the same taste in alcohol and different taste in men -this has always been the case with she and I. So I was repulsed by this guy’s demeanour, personality, grammar, and face alone…besides the other stuff I’d learned about him.
It wouldn’t be fair not to include my experiences from around this time (and beyond.) I’ll give you some standouts.
The Prince – he was 6ft2 and a big guy who worked drilling in the mines. I met him briefly for a drink but I only had about 90mins because my friend dropped me off between jobs and had to go somewhere else. He was a decent guy, we chatted online and in person at a bar that had just opened in the city. We’d exchange 75 text messages in one day(mainly jokes and light stuff) before I called it. It seemed like he’d only reply if I contacted him first and he lacked the initiative to make things happen. The Prince and I tried again a couple of years later but it was the same…only this time he blamed me for not being able to drop everything on a Coof state lockdown when we weren’t allowed to leave our homes to drive 50mins to his place at 11 pm when I’d only met him twice before.

A profile of a man who contacted me
Standup Guy – This guy reminded me of my flakey bitch ex who tried to rig the world to suit his insecurities, but we spoke for a week before we decided to meet up. I thought anyone with his job was a decent person – he did respite with intellectually disabled people. Maybe he was just a little shy or confused, or out of touch eg: the first thing he suggested was coming to my house after he finished work to meet me, and for me to cook dinner after I got home from work. Yeah, nah. I explained I wasn’t comfortable with that but asked if we could meet another day. I forgave it because if you’ve been out of the game, you don’t know shiieeet (trust me) and he wasn’t a sleaze, he just seemed naive. The night I was supposed to meet him, I dressed nice and didn’t go to training…and then he cancelled. Since it was the 3rd time he’d done it, I drove to my dojo anyway and waited for my friends, then we all went to a street market for something to eat. One of my female friends(the Olympic team wrestler) asked for his address so she could kick his ass. I never replied to him again.
Chip – We talked online for a couple of weeks. He played one of my favourite sports but told me it was an excuse to meet up and get drunk. His team were low-ranking and mostly just having fun. He was 6ft3 and a big guy too, chubby/overweight and had a nerdy pubey neckbeard. He wasn’t the hottest thing I’d ever laid eyes on but he was into some Playstation games and harmless, so far our text conversations had been okay. I was on the tail-end of a bender, I’d had commitments and events all weekend and was hungover and underslept so I decided to meet him that Sunday afternoon and get everything done before I went home and slept for 357348 years. He told me he was also very hungover from the night before. I drove to the pub and waited. I bought myself hangover chips/fries because I was nauseous. I saw him come in and glance around…then he walked to the bar, bought himself a massive beer before he sat at my table. Then he started eating my chips. Obviously, I’d share, and they were for both of us, but he just walked up, sat and started eating before we’d exchanged a few words lol I felt like I’d been sitting there foreverrrr, trying to prop up the conversation because he was inept, when he turned his arm and I saw his watch. It.Had.Been.Ten.Minutes. I stayed the course for an hour or so and watched him drink another beer then we decided to leave. We got to the carpark where he asked me to drop him home(complete opposite direction to where I was headed.) Later, he texted to say I had really pretty eyes but…that was that. :\

Relax, this is years old and doesn’t exist anymore. Last I heard, the guy is working on the other side of the world.

GI JOE text
GI Joe – Ex-army guy who was very full on, very fast. We talked for a couple of hours on the phone a few times over 2-3 weeks. We had the same sense of humour and stories to tell. He told me some interesting/disturbing stories from when he was active duty in Afghanistan. Then I started getting texts that he was “perilously close to the edge” of being in love and obsessed with me(I’ll spare you the screenshots I saved after our interaction soured.) We never met. A few reasons were: His profile pic was at least 10 years old, with long blonde, metal hair and a cool band shirt. He was now balding, overweight and didn’t look like his younger self at all. It is what it is, people are allowed to get older and fatter – I’m doing it too- the point is that his photo was a lie and I found out well into our friendship/conversations. He’d send me novel-length texts worried about me because I was asleep when he texted late, and I shouldn’t do that to him because it stresses him out. His dating profile talked about his deceased (over a decade before) ex-girlfriend how and no one would ever take her place, he doesn’t even know why he created a profile in the first place. He told me that he’d thought another ex-girlfriend was cheating on him once and he went to her house with a gun. One night he started getting mad at me for no reason saying he didn’t want someone who just wanted him for his body (?!? insert noisy projectile vomit here) as if I’d said something that implied that. Thanks for the research but no thank you…I may have literally dodged a bullet. Red Flags everywhere!

Another random guy
The German – He was polite and nice but as soon as I saw him I knew we were in different leagues. Not that I couldn’t match him, but I knew instantly that…I’d never want to.We made initial small talk over a drink at the bottom of a hotel then we moved to another bar, I tried to pay for us both and he was very uncomfortable with it, so much that the bar guy felt awkward too. The place was a refurbished theatre and we sat at a table on an old stage that had lights and carpet etc. He told me he didn’t care about things he can’t see; multi-verse theory and the subjects that organically trickled into the conversation while talking about hobbies/science fiction genre. He told me he drives over 100km every day to get to work and visits the work gym early then does his job and goes home. He owned a house but didn’t have pets. He told me he owns 4 pairs of pants all the same, and 5 shirts all the same style but just different colours. There were a few middle-aged Aussies trying to take a selfie together on a couch nearby. They were Boomers, and they needed my help! I excused myself and took their picture for them. When I returned to my seat, they were yelling for me to sing a song. It ain’t nothn but a thang, in a setting where it’s fun/funny/light-hearted. It’s been happening since I was 12, people randomly ask me to sing…I was happy to oblige and be silly with them.
A side glance to The German…and he was literally gripping the arms of his chair with an apprehensive look on his face. He looked like he was holding in a gigantic shit. I knew that I’d give it one more go if he wanted to see me again but I didn’t think there was much to work with…Luckily, I didn’t have to come up with something to say. A couple of days later he sent me a (VERY POLITE, RESPECTFUL AND APPRECIATED) text saying he’d had fun and it was nice to meet me, but he didn’t think there was enough chemistry to continue and he also wished me luck…
…and I was like phew. 🙂
To be continued…
*I may stop by to add more when I remember or find screenshots. Here are some more interactions from the cyberworld. Until the next installment when Mr Passion makes his entrance.
Continued here.
TLDR:
*Dodged a bullet.
*This is only part of my experience lol
*Screenshots are old and for accounts that obviously don’t exist anymore.
*My friend knows I think her vagina is a clowncar, it’s okay.
Cowboy.” 1, Traditional animal herder who tends cattle on ranches usually in the North American region.
2, Derogatory term describing someone who is reckless, ignores potential risks, irresponsible or who heedlessly handles a sensitive or dangerous task.
RED COWBOYS IS COMING SOON
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