I’m a child of both worlds; pre and post the latest tech advances. I grew up mostly hiring horror movies, not watching Netflix. There were a lot of romcoms and series’ depicting love stories beginning when someone helped a random woman carry her shopping, accidentally spilled coffee on her or backed into her in the bookstore. I lamented to a friend, after a shitty date telling her that I just wanted to meet a nice man at a post office or something when he innocently borrowed my pen.
She told me that I’d better hurry up because they’re closing all of them down to make way for more instant messaging, dating apps and emails.
She had a point. But as I mentioned, I’m a child of both worlds, I know what it’s like to tell everyone not to use the “home phone” and tie it up in case the cute boy from school actually called you. I’d thought it was going to happen like that. But THAT doesn’t exist anymore. Hence the Mr Passion vids/posts.
There is a world that exists between the dating apps and the old world. It’s another cyber world sitting in social media and games. Last week at my slave gig, I was informed that a colleague
“casually announced” during a meeting that he was engaged. No one knew anything more than that, and I always stay out of vacuous bullshit work politics so the grapevine shrivels and dies as it crawls towards my desk.
Well, I got the skinny. *opens jacket under a streetlight* 
She lives in another country…Which is why (I think) he hadn’t elaborated.
Because normies don’t get it. It would take too long to explain and, even if you did, they’d write it off as not as important or legit as theirs.
I had an LDR a few years ago . It was everything to me. I met him online. The time difference was okay because we were night owls and lived on the other side of the clock. We could spend my mornings (if I was home) hanging out, talking, vid calling, taking each other on walks in the area, watching movies online or playing games against each other. And then my nights (that were his mornings) could be spent similarly. We had plans to be together, and we’d tell people about each other as if there was no distance because it felt so real.
Learning about this work guy’s long distance relationship made me think of something another work acquaintance said to me. Once, I’d been so happy about my weekend and answered their question about it by telling them that I got to spend some time with my person and we had a lot of fun, it was good to spend time with him. When I asked about their weekend, they replied “Well, I got to spend face-to-face, touching, time with ****” (their partner)
Yeahhh…Fuck. You.
Honestly, you’ve had everything in life handed to you, and you don’t see that but, just for one second, understand that not everyone has it like you…
Some of us have had it better 🙂
When you meet someone online, it’s usually via something you both already have in common; a game, discussion on message boards or comments under a video etc.
You learn that person. Very quickly. You see a lot of their personality immediately in the following weeks. IRL you’d probably be a in a relationship for a few months to arrive at the level an online couple are at within a week or two. Perhaps attributed to, like online bullying(?) people being more comfortable behind a screen. The flimsy phone call where you can hang up and escape IRL does the same, the sadness hidden behind your buffer sunglasses while you meet the ex for a difficult conversation for eg.
It seems far easier to talk about difficult topics form behind a screen. That means little shame about what you have to say.
Respecting boundaries without having to ask what they are.
Work sucks. Family obligations suck. There are a number of things in your life that you HAVE to do. The other person understands that. Because they’ve had to. Time difference can be a good thing. I used to love nothing more than watching a movie on a call with my significant other the other side of the world, and waste the day laughing and talking to each other but he would be gone at a certain time. I was reminded that I had to get my life sorted too and not spend my day in a cloud 9 bubble. You keep each other in check that way; he knew when it was reaching his mid-afternoon his time that my ass should well and truly be in bed and he would tell me…and vice versa.
I learned there were times he’d struggle to reply/enjoy replying to me. Once, I learned the approximate time he’d be driving to work, or balls deep in a ranked game online, I made sure not to text anything, even if we were both awake. He’d know not to text much when I was in “lockdown” backstage before a performance, or consumed by writing.
I know who you are.
You get to know what’s going on from the way they say “hello” at the start of the call. One word contains everything. Not being given the chance to touch your significant other, you learn to harness other senses to appreciate or know them. You can get this in IRL, it usually takes longer. This even applies to text messages and the way your significant other phrases them, or even the length of time between certain lines! These relationships tend to be very intense because of that, the personal intimacy between two people is heightened very quickly because they’re on the phone to you while you’re brushing your teeth or in bed to sleep. They’re with you in a hospital waiting room at 6 am, they’re with you when you got up to pee in the middle of the night and shoot them a message and they hear about your bad dreams.
For you.
You meet them as they are and they aren’t driving a car or wearing something cool that catches your eye. They don’t display any sort of status, and you don’t know how much money they make or where, in the whole world, they live. You meet their personality right away. And, it doesn’t hurt that there’s an ability to send or receive pictures and make sure they’re cute too…but the reality is that they like you for you. And your appearance is a plus.
It also works if you’re an uggo, because then you have time to suck them in with your amazing personality instead. LOL
So, to this guy at my work – welcome to the Thunderdome. It hurts, and it gets lonely. It’s worse when the government can blanket-stop your one shot at having a life by shutting down flights for two years because of a cold with a 99% survival rate. But it can be very exciting and fun, with enough space that you can still work on your own personal goals. I’d tell the guy to make a definite plan to meet/move to each other, whatever it is, don’t let it fade. Jump on the opportunity right away. Adventures await.
An old acquaintance of mine reminded me once (when I was reluctant to talk about my LDR) that people have done that for centuries. He said that they wrote letters, no instant messages or pictures, and they sent their letters by SHIP> so calm your farm.
Good luck, work dude.
Your relationship is as legit as anyone else’s, except you KNOW you and your wife can communicate effectively, exercise patience, follow schedules and keep your word, work to contribute to the relationship, have fun together, post packages and letters and research the law around visas etc…and all of the rest. This kind of thing is not a pipe dream anymore. There are ways to get you guys together. It happens every day.
TLDR:
*LDRs are just as valid as your shitty IRL boring relationship.
*You know, the one you try and convince the world is awesome by posting a zillion pictures together on social media.
*LDRs are challenging, character building
*They can eventuate into something awesome so show those people some respect!
*So glad work dude finally found someone, I can now eat a banana at work
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Some of my experience with the Queen:
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When you learn some martial arts, you learn how to fall.