TLDR:
*I saw PUNKER yesterday.
*I didn’t understand the dating game.
*My friend dodged a bullet/red flag.
I saw PUNKER yesterday.
When I originally wrote about Punker, I left out a small detail. It wasn’t an important one, and it didn’t matter to the recount, but it makes this occurrence funnier. I described the lead up to getting to his house, him keeping on at me to hurry up because he was hungry and wanted to get something to eat, and I wrote about how he stood watching me from his balcony to check my silhouette was thin/inviting enough and I didn’t look crazy.
I left out the fact that if you imagine a backwards L shape, I live on the small line and he lives on the middle of the big line. We live in the same area. And on the night, I drove on the long line of the L and overshot his place. I was nervous, getting texts from him, and I zoned out, rocking out to some tunes and realised that my internal GPS automatically drives towards my old Dojo if I’m on autopilot. I made the difficult turns, across the four lanes to turn around and go back the other way and then I parked…(just go and read Mr Passion #5.) 
So, I was at my local grocery store and sitting in the car fucking around on my phone…I looked up and saw a weird-looking guy driving past my car bay. He was stooped forward to see through the windscreen and navigate the carpark like the skittish person he is. I recognised his big eyes and face that looks like a giant child, until you get close in good lighting and see that he is old and sun-damaged(?) The car that I know smells faintly like male deodorant, and he insists on coming around to the passenger’s side to open the door as if it scores points he knows he will need later.
He will need them. He just won’t get them. Because he is stupid.
So, the game.
I have some thoughts on it. I know I’ve mentioned it before in another post, but the game”” was a slap in the face for me. The whole Mr Passion series is testimony. I guess Mr Passion/UPRONTS himself is the one who baptised me into the degeneracy. I didn’t know it was like that out there; that you met people and most times they tried their luck to see if you were easy. I didn’t know they were allowed to do that. Turns out, they do what they want – and you are allowed to tell them to fuck right off too. (But you should probably be careful doing that.)
I was reminded of the fact the game also means that you date whoever you want, as many people as you want…and the merry go-round spins until, if and when, you choose the trainwreck you want to roll with. You “love the one you’re with” for the date, whether that means having a long intellectual chat, sex, or dinner, whatever it may be. It goes unsaid that you’re both seeing other people and playing everyone off against each other. No one mentions that you’re probably sleeping with them too, and you CBF with a relationship – but they can act like your boyfriend or girlfriend if they want and you can reap the benefits. Even if all they have to offer is dick.
The other part of this, is that the person you end up falling for sees you as just another number. SO when they allow you to catch feelings but tell you they aren’t ready for a real relationship, it actually means they prefer keeping a rotation but you’re free to continue the Netflix chill with them if you want, just know it can’t be more. That was eye-opening for me and I’m glad that the person who taught me this lesson was man enough to admit his mistakes and then make sure I was okay after this revelation, and looks out for me to this day. ((I was in two very longterm relationships through the years when culture says I “should” have been partying, making mistakes and hooking up with a million guys to discover what I wanted or liked, or what I would accept. So when I hit the adult dating scene, I didn’t know what I was doing or how things went.))
The last time I caught up with a friend: she had re-entered the dating scene, using the same sort of dating apps I once did and finding people in the area. She’s a girl-boss businesswoman-type who has her shit together so this girl organised a handful of dates for nearly every night of one week. She did it before her busy work schedule was going to kick in, and because she is organised AF. The guys were cool with it, if they knew about the others, because that is how the game goes…
After a couple of dinner dates and activity dates with these people, she narrowed it down to two men she got on well with. There was one with kids, and one without. She dated them a couple more times when she got a text from Mr. WITHOUT. It said something along the lines of that he knew he was one of a few and he wished her luck but it wasn’t his thing. When she told me, I was like YAAAAAAAAASSSSS KING RESPECT YOURSELF!
but I also laughed at him because, shame on you for not knowing that people were allowed to date other people until if and when you both decided it was exclusive. I thought the way his text read was passive aggressive, rude, and too early to send – considering it’d only been a couple of weeks of knowing her. She let it go, but she was disappointed because she liked him the best and was thinking of pursuing it properly.
Our latest catch up – and she let me in on what happened next. They did end up seeing each other again, Mr. Without changed his mind and wanted to get to know her. She forgave his freak out, and what he said was a meltdown. The next red flag was him sending her texts while she was at a friend’s wedding she’d obviously RSVP’d to months in advance. Mr. Without accused her of finding some random at this wedding and having sex with them. Yes, a couple of weeks into what was supposed to be the beginning of a possible relationship, and he was already acting crazy again.
He finally calmed down, apologised for another “meltdown” of his.
Source:https://www.envisioncounsellingcentre.com
BUT the final straw was when she was traveling home midweek, after working 3-4 hours away. She arrived home at 9:30pm and took a shower. She missed a text from him and meltdown-mode was re-engaged. Mr Without accused her of avoiding him for someone else, claimed she was with another man instead. She explained that wasn’t the case, she was tired, that it was late and she’d just arrived home…but it wasn’t enough. And when she fell asleep, he sent her texts sarcastically telling her to have a good night, and good luck to her and the guy she was (apparently) with.
When she woke up alone she was disappointed, but also relieved she’d dodged a bullet, a bit fat stupid melty useless one. LOL
The circle : being sweet, being an asshole, then back to being sweet…Unfortunately a lot of us have experience with this stuff. It’s a red flag for an abuser.
Just another lesson for the kids out there; most of the people you meet are not going to be good. I know of two couples who met on Tinder and are now married and on their journey, being parents and experiencing life together but for the rest of us…There are so many frogs out there you shouldn’t even try to kiss…just walk on by and leave them in their swamp.
www.facebook.com/everedenauthor
www.Instagram.com/Everedenauthor
and
EVER EDEN AUTHOR on Telegram and YOUTUBE!
All content is no copyright infringement intended. All posts are opinion only and are subject to change due to experience, kicking ass and learning how to adult more effectively. If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Elements of original content may be reproduced with expressed permission from Ever Eden
Psycologists literally advise not overthinking that way. They tell clients to speak, not to post-mortem the conversation, or not to spend too long patching up the sentence before delivering it. If the other person doesn’t like it, or is offended then you have the option to apologise and take their point of view onboard.
Herein lies the interesting part…
So, no. There is no forgiveness here.