The Detriment of Forgiveness

Deeeep.

Forgiveness is apparently a wonderful way to let go of anger to move on, to stop thinking about the injustice done to you (or feel was done to you.) It’s said to be something you should do to ensure the harmony of the universe and forgiveness is divine –

Or something.

I forgive a lot, do you?

The past year has forced me to turn over so many thoughts that I’m almost insane. I’ve spent countless hours weighing up the injustice, apathy or worse I’ve been treated with (for eg) by the one person I believed never would. These feelings could be similar for someone who was fired unjustly from a job they loved (also happened to me last year too, lol)

Maybe an argument happened and they said something horrible that now they’re frantically trying to take back.

Maybe your parent overstepped bounds with private information of yours.

Maybe you were literally left at the altar with no further explanation.

(Insert any other shitty circumstance here)

When you’ve seen something in someone that you can’t ignore and that someone/something strikes you as a once-in a-lifetime experience, you want to justify their actions/words/ whatever it is that this person did to you. We all want to see the good. Sometimes someone can hurt you more than you’ve ever been before…how do you respond?

I guess the correct way would be to protect your mental health and dignity, to try and remember there are billions of other people and opportunities in this world that you have the chance of making a connection with. But sometimes it’s not that simple, especially when you’ve invested time and emotion into the job/situation/the person. It, among other things, is simply a waste.

And no one wants to go to waste.

I’m a sucker. I should hate what predicated my current headspace but if the situation had any sort of turnaround, my curiousity would probably get the better of me and I would want to understand the motives and explanation. A sucker for psychology…I would be trying to understand someone else’s reasons and how they justify certain actions. Eventually (I believe) if you do this repeatedly, you end up disrespecting yourself, giving permission to the original culprit, person or thing, to have power over you.

And the juggling act happens when you decide whether that is the better choice.

Which one are you able to live with?

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All content is no copyright infringement intended. All posts are opinion only and are subject to change due to experience, kicking ass and learning how to adult more effectively. If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya

I Had a Dream

This is a stolen meme but sharing is caring. If it’s yours, let me know, fren.

The best thing about coming back to a blog like this, is that I remember when I had a dream. LOL #dramatic.

Based on the posts I’ve made, I think I’ve changed a little. I think if anyone had gone through what I have, they’d be a little different too. The past year has been something. I’ve loved and lost, I’ve lost a baby through miscarriage, I’ve had a scary surgery that ended up going south; complicated enough that I was nearing transfusion levels (I’m still recovering,) and more! There’s always more.

Am I the only one that goes through this much or is it you too, you just don’t have the will, capacity or need to talk about it? I am a storyteller. I guess that’s my gift but also curse…because the analysing is a killer and so is the constant noticing of the unjust nature of some of the things life has dealt me.

I could (and probably will) write a book about the last couple of years. For now, I wanted to write a little somethin’ to let you know that I’m still here. I am alive, and there will be more.

I have been keeping up my posts on My RUMBLE channel. They have been a little sporadic this year as I dealt with my personal health issues, the subsequent surgery and mental fallout but there will soon be more and regular again. I am still here. Cleo is still here. The world still turns as I navigate my next steps…there will be good things ahead, because there has to be. I’ve done my time.