Mr Passion #5 Punker
February 24, 2022 5:14 pm Leave your thoughts
I breathed deeeep breaths as I begrudgingly signed up to another dating site. It falls under boredom and morbid curiousity now…and come on, you know you want to read about it.
I turned on the Google location that I N E V E R turn on. Seems at some stage in my day, I’d decided that allowing Skynet to track my every movement was a reasonable price to pay for finding dick.
But I wanted to try a dating app everyone told me about. First impressions told me there was more choice there, and the guys were seemingly better looking. Maybe the app was just presented better(?) I saw a few of the same guys from the other sites/apps I’d been on, still looking for someone who can tolerate them.
I also saw THE Mr Passion too. Yes. Him. Again.
But first, the “date” I went on.
I’d had the app for (maybe) 12 hours. This is the first time I’d used an app where I could swipe on my phone. The sheer joy of instantly judging someone and flicking them away from your gaze like a peasant is…just too much fun. I even took it to my mum’s house and sat on the floor with her behind me on the couch, and started swiping.
“No…No, no, no, pass, no thanks, MAYBE, no…”
And she was behind me saying “no, no, ew, AARGHH!!”
It’s addictive and it’s fun, until you run out of your allocated matches for 24hours. By then I’d accumulated a few potentials. And I found that nearly every time I swiped RIGHT, it was “it’s a match!” or “blabla likes you too!” So either I’m good looking, or these guys are too thirsty and swiped right on me because I have a vagina and a heartbeat. I chatted to a few but I think the possibility of being able to ghost someone or find someone you perceive is better is just too much temptation. I left a few hanging, the windswept blondey who went to the beach twice a day, the guy who took a shirtless picture and told me that he guessed he’d “start the ball rolling” and send me a “revealing picture first.”
When he asked me for one, I told him that I don’t take those pictures but maybe I could find something suitable in my phone.
Note – all I have in my phone are memes and pictures of me deliberately pulling ugly faces so I can hijack mum’s phone wallpaper when I visit her.
I scrolled through my pictures…and then got distracted and left him hanging. We’re too old to be wasting our time telling people how to behave. A few hours later, I came back to a speel about how he wants a partner to “do life with” but that people need to be attracted to each other too, (I agree) so he was just making sure that we had a connection, and I liked him and the way he looks.
Mate, sending me a pic almost showing dick is not attractive in a first exchange. I didn’t reply to anything else he sent, how he loves the beach and bikinis.
Mate, you want to see me in a bikini? Just picture a baked ham with strings, and then fuck off.
The Date
I swiped right on a guy whose profile picture was him onstage singing and playing guitar. His mouth was open wide, so I assumed – a frontman for a punk or metal band, and that was interesting. At this age, I’m finding all of us muso-types are winding back, doing more studio work and things online, working on the other areas of life. Also, due to the Coof, not many people can perform in certain venues, and others have closed down.
I have dubbed this person “PUNKER” for this post. He asked if I wanted to hang out. He was potential number 4 on my shortlist of guys I’d swiped right on. He suggested we try and get into a pool hall, even though there were Rona restrictions. I’m older, fatter and cynical these days, tired of doing things I don’t like in order to make randos happy so I said it wasn’t really my thing. I said I’m up for something else though. I ended up at his apartment to watch a comedy/stand up marathon because he was a self-described performing comedian. It didn’t end up being a marathon..
because I was kicked out after the first show.
Yup. (stifles laughter)
Before I left my house, I told my best friend that I had a bad feeling- Not that I was about to be assaulted and killed, but that it was going to be a waste of time and makeup.
I’d had a headache, I told Punker that I was going to have a shower etc hopefully brighten up, and then head over. He gave me about twenty minutes and then started sending me texts asking when I was leaving because he was hungry. It would have been kind of okay, had he not repeated variations of the same question.
I let it slide, when you’ve been out of the game, you forget how to act. Maybe he needed a chance… *shrugs*
I got lost on the way to his house. His landmarks were ass and ineffective because (I guess) he didn’t want me to know his actual address. He got me to park in a nearby carpark so he could see me from a distance, high up from his apartment. Punker next instructed me to walk around a corner and he would buzz me in at a gate, yelling so the whole apartment block could hear what he was planning to do. Then it was a long, dark walk to his apartment and he’d already disappeared and shut the door so I had to guess which floor I’d seen him on and the number of his place.
When I first went in, he told me to watch out because his cat may escape. I sat on the couch. Punker sat on an office chair, away from me. I figured that he was possibly awkward/shy – again, when you’ve been out of the game…
I watched some stand-up of a guy I’d never heard of from the early 90s or late 80s. During the set, Punker’s cat was going CRAZY on me, pouncing, biting me, playing with my bag strap etc. I reciprocated, one arm hanging over the side of the couch to pat and play with his cat while we watched the show – because I love young, hyper cats. <3
Punker wanted to get something to eat about halfway through. We left and walked to his car, he took a few big steps to get ahead of me and opened a car door for me. 
K.
I’m not a new wave feminist etc and I think holding doors open for others (regardless of gender or relationship) is a nice gesture…but this seemed a little excessive to just go grab some chicken and chips. I felt awkward but I figured that the door might be broken. When I first met my long-term ex, he owned a shitty car. He had to get in first, unlock it and then reach across to push my door open so I could get in. He would often get in first when it was pissing down with rain and get comfortable, put on his seatbelt THEN lean over to let me in like I was a dog. Moving on…
We drove to a local place. He ordered. I was messing around with my virtue signal/face diaper mask, and when I finally put on and looked up, he was gone. I saw him sitting at a table across the restaurant, waiting for his order. He was waving me over…but he didn’t WAVE me over. He was doing the “hey you, come here” with his fingers fluttering, the way you do to a fucking WAITER. That made me bristle. My ex was also into gesturing like you were a child or pet that was trying his patience for simply existing. It felt like Punker whistled at me to get my attention instead.
I wandered over and sat with him. He asked how I was liking the comedy show so far.
I told him it was pretty good and he said, “I’m just concerned that you’re not paying attention because you were playing with the cat.”
I raised my eyebrows, and he added, “I know you’re a woman, so you can multi-task…I guess it’s probably okay.”
Again, I chalked it up to maybe he was new to dating. And he opened the car door for me again, which I thanked him for and said it was very nice of him. (I didn’t know what else to do.)
Back at his house, he left me so he could eat in his kitchen (I’d eaten beforehand) and I said that if he didn’t mind, I’d come in and talk AT him while he ate. He said yes and I sat in there talking about random stuff. Face to face, mask-less and with decent lighting, it became apparent that his pictures on the dating app were OLD AF. I started trying to piece together his story; he didn’t drink “anymore” (staple of Aussie gatherings, even just one or two) he had a LOT of bible quotes around the place, written on whiteboards next to how many reps he did when he worked out, and the “4pack” he was aiming for by a certain date. That, and the extra lines on his face etc, the slowness of his actions and words…I started thinking maybe he’d had a drug addiction or a breakdown and he was in recovery but not the same. There was also something creepy about his cadence, when I made the obligatory, coy comment, “You invited me over, what if I was a serial killer?!” comment and he’d slowly said, “I had plans for that.”
While Punker ate his plate of chicken, no chips, nothing else, I took out my phone and checked my social media notifications that had pinged in the car. He raised his head and said,
“See, that’s going to be a problem.”
I looked up. 
And he told me he thought it was very rude when people are on their phone if they have company. He said that it meant the other person doesn’t respect people around them and is not paying attention. Then he shrugged and said he guessed it was okay because he was busy eating.
Remember, I’m used to someone stamping out every bit of my personality, my quirks, my habits, my social life – so this made me annoyed too, in particular that it was coming from a virtual stranger.
The fuck you think you are?
I was appalled he didn’t even cut off a sliver of chicken to give his kitty, 🙁 but even more surprised when he didn’t ask, he told me to open the bottom cupboard and find the cat treats to give his cat. I did what he said, AGAIN, maybe he was just not used to addressing a woman he didn’t know, and I was beginning to feel sorry for him. Especially if he’d been through a lot and was trying to get his life back together.
We completed the comedy set after, Punker showed me his own stand-up performance (on youtube) after I told him he should sit on the couch next to me, the office chair couldn’t be comfortable. I could feel him look at me on nearly every punchline to check I was laughing. Most of it was air through the nose-type laughs that I felt the need to embellish to appease his obvious fragile ego. He showed me another performance where he was playing guitar on stage, performing a parody of a hit song.
SO…I was going to show him my parody song. We had a few jokes like, “You show me yours, oooo I’ll show you mine!” and I felt like he was FINALLY loosening up enough to have some laughs, maybe I’d been wrong this whole time and he wasn’t a weirdo…?
I made my parody song it for my favourite streamer. It quoted some of his best material and the rest was about cucks, liberty, memes, getting banned on social media etc to the tune of Gangster’s Paradise. Up until this point, I’d been pretty liberal with my language when we spoke about customers or our slave gigs etc. The song I showed him had a C word thrown in there. After I showed him some and turned it off to talk about our respective performing etc. he stood up and said that he had to bail on the night, and take his meds to go to bed.
He went back to the kitchen and I could hear him opening a blister pack and popping out pills. I didn’t know what to say so I sat there and asked, (WHY?!!) what kind of meds they were. I know, right?! *facepalm* I think I was just confused and surprised to be ending the night when we’d finally been laughing.
He told me they were “anti-insomnia pills.”
“ I said welp…I guess I’ll, er, head off… Hey, sorry if the song offended your or anything.” He said he was a comedian, nothing offended him. (Okay.)
I thanked him for the evening, and he said we should hang out again…But he shut the door behind me and turned off all the lights.
LOL
When I got home, he texted and thanked me for amusing his cat, the meds were kicking in, so…goodnight.
I was more than happy to never see him again. But I wasn’t blocked or anything…It’s been a few days since our meeting and there’s been nothing said other than a few memes between us. I wish him luck…he will need it.
I’d say BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD…but it’s reached a stage where I’m not really looking per se, I’m just making memories and stories to tell others now. It’s kind of fun and much less disappointing.
*TLDR:
*Met a guy from a dating app – weirdo.
*Possibly recovering addict or just got out of jail…But I have no time to waste figuring someone out.
*Was more attracted to his cat.
*Don’t use old pics on a dating app, you liars.
*I love men, and both genders need each other. Men are some of the best people in my life…HOWEVER…you can’t spell DISAPPOINTMENT without the word men.
*More on the MR PASSION SIGHTING NEXT TIME.
*YOU DO NOT OWE A RANDO ANYTHING.
Reading this back, mannnn, I should’ve just left after the first red flag, instead of collecting them out of morbid curiosity.
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