Protecting My Apostrophes!
December 5, 2019 2:15 pm Leave your thoughtsThe Apostrophe Protection Society announced it’s closing down. This got me right in the Harambes.
*At the time of writing this…I see there has been an interesting development…
Of course I didn’t know about (ahem*) the existence of the Apostrophe Protection Society, but like all humans with access to a blog, that doesn’t stop me having outrage!
The internet hurts my head. It does this nearly every day. I’d say I wasn’t a grammar-asshole but I am, and I will tell you why. The internet has made us forfeit a lot of things for convenience, things such as privacy, dignity (for some!) and this writing thing is a casualty that I can’t stand.
From dating sites, to writer’s groups on social media, to advertisements for official establishments, to news sources…the baffling ignorance surrounding simple grammar irks me.
My fellow Grammar Police bretheren are many and we don’t suffer from OCD, an inflated sense of ego or boredom.
I genuinely have to second-guess who you are as a person if you’ve reached the age of 30 and still don’t know the difference between their, they’re and there…and I want to apologise too, but in a sorry, not sorry way because when you send that text saying, “Hey, I’ll meet you their,” I realllly want to stab you with a fork.
Grammar can be difficult, and we all suffer mental blanks. This post is probably rife with things I could have phrased better or punctuated in a more effective way, but I’m talking about the real easy stuff – things you learn in second and third grade.
There are all sorts of ‘rules’ authors (for example) flout to control flow within their books; commas, full stops/periods….beginning a sentence with “But.”
But, if I’m walking down a street and your registered establishment has a sign out the front which says, “Cheap burrito’s”
I might kick it down.
Probs will.
There’s something about an establishment wanting your money and your stomach in their hands but not being able to understand where an apostrophe should go or how to write plurals. I wish I could find the picture I’m thinking of (I guess I’ll update this if I ever do) but I snapped a shot when I passed a (since closed) pub and it seemed they were having problems in more ways than one. Someone had printed a sheet of paper and taped it to the door…
*found it!
My local grocery store had signage directing customers to the “CD’s,” until recently. The only reason the sign survived that long was because I couldn’t reach it. Again, this is something I will have to update when I find the horrible evidence I have stashed somewhere on this computer.
I completely understand if it’s a text message and you’ve messed up. I know how easy it is to miss a letter on the tactile phone keypad with your fat, uncoordinated fingers. I’m a victim too.
“I’m” often becomes “im.”
“Don’t” turns into “dont,” depending on how full my hands are or how many seconds I have to reply before my life takes another unexpected turn.
The following is a small list of the things which have made me twitch with rage lately. Let me know if you have seen similar.
“That doesn’t make any sence. Their supposed to call first.” – One of my oldest and dearest friends (whom I also want to brain.)
“I have tooken her to the doctor but she is still sick.” – Random lady in medical issues group on social media referring to her child visiting the doctor and getting no result.
“Your a beautiful person.” – Online dude who heard me impersonate a game character and now wants to have my babies.
“I could’ve went and uploaded this video yesterday.” – Youtube narrator reviewing one of the biggest shows of all time.
Random work emails – where higher-ups think that every plural needs an apostrophe. One’s, car’s, cupcake’s etc.
“Sickth” instead of “sixth” (this isn’t really a grammar issue, more a dickhead issue, and also that they get their education from Ed Sheeran songs.)
“I brought these at the shop today!” – Posts on social media by a teacher I know.
The rant is now over. Thank you for hearing me out. My next post should be more better cos your all special to me and i want to make sure your entertained and that you dont think im that mean.
(^^^It hurt me to write that sentence. ^^^)
TLDR:
*It’s a sad time when something crucial to communication and meaning of a sentence is ignored because some people are lazy and we’ve collectively given up.
*I am aware of the irony here. I am bitching about grammar and using words like “probs” and beginning sentences with BUT.
*You’re has an apostrophe and we must protect its honour.
*Stop taking language lessons from Ed Sheeran. He can afford to be stupid.
p.s Sorry Ed. It’s a joke! Geeze, why you gotta be so serious?