They Think I Broke a Rib.
October 24, 2019 2:56 am Leave your thoughtsTBH the first thing it reminded me of was constantly being asked about Marilyn Manson in my younger days. \m/
Why am I writing about this unfortunate event and not a writing tip or excerpt from KOS? Because it has been the stand out event of my week, forced me to do things I don’t like to and taught me some stuff.
I think I’ll add a new blog category called “Wisdom/shit I have learned” and make notes to self/write about what I learned/re-learned/was reminded of because I need my own reality show but I am not willing to make a sex tape.
So, the pain was instant. I had an idea that it was a possibility of a cracked rib or badly strained muscle I was going to be nursing for a while later. I then, in true Ever style, grit my teeth and proceeded with what I was doing for a few reasons. 1. I had gone against my better judgement and put myself in a situation when others made the decision not to…and I had committed. 2. I was probably just being a baby and my size, gender and skill level needed to produce results, because fuck failing. I wanted to show that the other person was wrong about whatever possible assumption they made about me/ my skill level etc in order to be treating me the way they were. and, 3. My ego. (The one I thought I didn’t have.)
Reason One: >>Just because you chose to be in a situation does not mean you have to stay in it.<< Sounds simple but it literally goes consciously ignored eg; when you’re walking home at night and hear footsteps behind you but don’t want to turn around to check because you might look stupid to some poor innocent guy trying to get home too. Or when you didn’t move seats on the train because the person who sat next to you was clearly a weirdo and now they are asking where you live. Or when you’re in a relationship that you probably shouldn’t be in but you suck it up cos mama didn’t raise no quitter.
I had a gut feeling not to commence the situation in which I was injured but I did it anyway. I might even say I allowed the situation to begin the way it did because I was trying to be nice too by giving someone a chance.
Two: This is going to be a hard one unless you’ve happened to express an opinion about anything on social media…but I realized that I don’t have to represent (yo!) If someone wants to be a jerk, be sexist or discriminatory or think they are better than you, you don’t have to prove anything. You can just say “yeah, nah, I choose not to engage anymore,” and fuck what they think about that. This has been my go-to for my own sake of peace but the other night…I wanted to prove so bad that I could handle something that was always going to injure me.
And Three: The Ego I thought I didn’t have. It flashed for a second even with the pain and being unable to breathe, I was able to flip the situation and dominate…but then I had a second of clarity where I thought that if I had indeed broken a rib and I continued, it might puncture something. So I chose to end what I was doing, apologized for the inconvenience because the other person clearly wanted to keep going, and took myself out of the situation to assess the damage. I was fortunate that it only took me a couple of seconds to conclude my ego was not worth it.
The details: it turns out that when you fracture your shit, it means every single inhale is painful. For the first 90mins I could only take very shallow breaths because the pain was bad. This later changed to me being able to take a full breath if I concentrated, tried to ignore the pain and slowly inhaled with my back straight. It was hell to reverse out of a tight car space and drive myself to hospital – which I forced myself to rather than sleep it off. The shitty ER was the busiest I’d ever seen one and it was a horrible tiring experience where people had to bother me a lot and touch me, continually check my lung capacity and blood pressure and Xray my tatas then fucking refuse to give me something to eat in case I required surgery. I was told to breathe deep even if it hurt or I would get a chest infection. I returned home at 3:30am high on painkillers, had a shower (because ew hospital germs) and then slept.
Things have been going pretty well besides the unexpected jolt of pain when I hiccup, yawn, move wrong etc. I spent the days after gaming online and eating chocolate/caramel spreads from the jar. I am pissed off that I probably can’t train for a while and performing is out of the question but…it could have been worse.
The verdict, as of today is they want a CT SCAN done tomorrow to double check because they are STILL(?!) not 100% sure on the diagnosis they gave me three days ago…Because the potential fracture has not shifted bone and “changed the cardiomediastinal contour”, apparently the shot of radiation I got wasn’t enough to identify it. A CT scan is needed to see a fracture.
TLDR:
*There was once a rumour that Manson removed a rib so he could suck his own c**k.
*You don’t have to stay in a shit situation.
*You can choose not to engage
*Your ego is not worth it.
*I am a badass.
*Medical staff are messing me around…grrr
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