Walking You Home

September 30, 2021 2:42 pm Published by EverEden Leave your thoughts

It was only a few weeks ago that I wrote about my amazing friend Manuel’s passing in a long post. I know we have the attention span of a goldfish. Rob was also a “no frills” person that would probably tell me not to bother writing this at all.

I met Rob on social media. He lived in the UK. He was a mutual friend of a girl I met on the site. I don’t remember how I met her, but she and I became friends because I probably commented on some public post of hers. She’s hilarious, with a witty self-deprecation streak like me. Rob came after me once about a comment I made under one of her posts. I can’t remember what it was about, but I know he’d started an argument. (Figures) We went back and forth, until one of us DMd the other (I think it was him). I remember I’d said something to the effect of, “your arrogance is intriguing somehow…” and we became friends.

That was over 5 years ago.

Rob was not-my-style lol  He partied hard. He managed a pub once, he went to jail once, he had an ex girlfriend who stabbed him and ruptured his bowel. His friends were yobos too lol. On the sporadic occasions we’d talk back then, he’d tell me about his latest misadventure eg: a friend of his having something stolen and he and his group were going to go “get” the guy. This apparently meant beating up some other English lad and then calling a truce. I thought it was cool. I’m not really into bashing people (LOL) but this was somehow old-fashioned and endearing to me. I also told him to just call the cops so he wouldn’t get into trouble, but…you could never change Rob’s mind, not really. He’d let you give your opinion then he’d give you his one line explanation of why something needed to happen, and why you were wrong, annnnd then he’d just do whatever it was.

It wasn’t until last year that we got as close as we ended up. He told me he’d been clean from drugs for almost 18months. That was huge for him, I was surprised and proud. His other addiction was harder to give up. He had a severely alcohol-damaged liver from his younger days (as he put it.) He’d been told by medical professionals that he needed to give up alcohol and certain foods, otherwise things would not go well for him. He was warned to stop, and even given a time frame where that behaviour might take his life. But…he’d beaten that by about 2 years already.

I saw him try.

He’d cut down drinking a lot more this year than I was used to hearing about…but it was usually only a few days before he’d have “just one” because he was visiting his parents or having a BBQ, or his dad had some new beer to taste.

We’d talk about shows and comedians, we’d send each other pictures of our cities/locations when we were on walks and he’d get shut down insultingly when he tried to flirt with me. This usually resulted in him saying, “ahh, well, one can dream” and then talk about ordering food in the next sentence.  We texted every single day. Time difference meant I’d wake up to texts or have someone to chat to on the train to my slave gig.  We had that kind of relationship – joking and playing, but sometimes confiding our problems out of the blue. We got each other through some stressful, confusing times.

We once tried to create a children’s story in voice messages. Eg: He’d send something like “One day there was a ladybug on a toadstool” and I’d record one back,“But it was in the forest, in a garden that belonged to a witch!”  He’d also record words and slang from his area and make me copy them and send it back. I did the same, and it was hilarious. I showed him strange rocks and pictures of the beach, and I’d get to see videos of his parents while he harassed them with a squeaky toy pig  (LOL)

The lockdowns in the UK were exceptionally tough on mental health. Rob told me that he would literally be losing his mind if it weren’t for his pet rabbit, Terrance. He said he didn’t know what he’d do without him and would probably just want to die because his life was meh and the Rona stuff was ridiculous. Rob had pics of his rabbit all over his socials, always told jokes about him and recounted his pet’s cheeky antics, relying on him as a wingman with girls…He’d go to the shops, with all the restrictions etc, just to get Terrance the Blueberries he liked. Terrance had full run of the place and could do whatever he wanted, sleep on the couch and eat in front of the TV. Rob lovveedd that rabbit. I even have about a million pics of the fluffy lil monster!

Then 8 year old Terrance died. Rob was not in a good place for weeks after that, he didn’t have an interest in anything but alcohol, sleep and some comedy on late night TV. He’d get annoyed when I’d try to pull him up a little and, understandably, felt like crap. We both had a depression that made us very lonely. He’d also send me messages telling me that if I’m sick or sad it would upset him. He would be positive for me too.

When he started feeling okay again, he got the Coof (slightly before mid yearish?) Yes, the dreaded UK strain of the Rona. He was the second person I knew who caught it in the UK. The other person had symptoms linger for a month or so. Rob kicked it in 5 days, despite his health issues. He was just PISSED he couldn’t taste anything. He said even chilis, peppers, spices – they did absolutely nothing and it was so frustrating.

It was when he’d recovered from Coof and was telling me he felt a lot better since Terrance, that his body decided to give him another hurdle.

He got a bad pain in his guts one night. He said it felt like fire and he could barely walk. He went to the dr after some coaxing and a couple of nights trying to deal with it himself. Then he was home with some pain killers and told to rest. We went back to our messages and regular conversations.

Over the next three months, I’d get messages about how his feet and legs were swollen from fluid retention because his liver was playing up, but he didn’t want to catch a bus to the hospital, public transport didn’t start at 4am when this was happening anyway. Sometimes he would get a ride, and I’d get random pictures of his name bracelet in hospital and canulas in his arm or bags of blood for transfusions. He had procedures where he’d have fluid extracted from over his stomach so he could breathe better. Then he’d come home and lay around for a few days.

He’d recover and manage to take walks and even go to the shop and pick up some things to cook at his mum’s house for his family. He bragged about getting the Pork crackling just right because some of us weren’t blessed with that skill.

One of the times he was in hospital getting transfusions, he promised me he wouldn’t die. Not before we could catch up after this Rona bullshit, and have a drink/meal together on my way to visit CC. He told me that his Dr said (in June 2021) he had an 80% chance of being alive in 3 months if he stopped drinking.

When I asked how we get it to 99%  he told me he was going to quit drinking that Thursday. He told me it won’t come to that, he was a survivor.

I trusted him, and it became a routine of going into hospital, swearing off alcohol while he was there because of the pain, and fighting with me and his mother because he hated going to hospital when he clearly needed to. Then he’d come home and start being a real cheeky bastard again. Back to the old him. 🙂 We’d have our daily conversations until I’d wake up to another “I’m sick, threw up blood, going to call my Dr.” etc Then it was another hospital visit.

((((–He was a cheeky shit in hospital too btw. I’d get texts about how he was sneaking an old guy out for fresh air in his wheelchair. He’d check himself out too and go home for some proper food before he’d have to come back when they noticed– ))))

The (second) last time he was there, his parents apparently got a call saying that he was awake after the procedure, but it had been life-threatening at one point. Again, he and I went back to normal. He got the cheer up/you’re a doofus but I’m glad we’re friends card I sent him on the 20th of August 2021. He thanked me and told me that he read it about 20 times and it mad him a bit emotional. He put it next to the rabbit ornament he had and confirmed that it did what I’d said I wanted and “brightened his day.”

Everything was normal-ish…but on September the 12th, I had a text saying “I’m really ill.” When I asked what was going on he said he’d talk later because he was tired of answering the same questions from everyone. I told him it was a good idea and to get some rest.

He came back to apologise for snapping at me, I sent a bitmoji-thing of me giving flowers and then…I never heard from my friend again.

The 17th of September 2021 was when I was told what happened. I obviously knew he’d been sick, it was still a shock that made me unable to breathe or swallow. The light from the phone seemed harsher and the writing 3D. He’d passed away 2 days after our last exchange. I was already missing my train buddy when I went to work that week, wondering what was going on, but thinking he must be needing space after the latest hospital stint…

He told me how much he appreciated my friendship and that I had no idea how much. I made him less lonely and we’d had amazing laughs together. We were there for each other through some tough times in a very lonely and challenging year. He said that I knew him better than a lot of people and he felt 100% comfortable telling me anything. I wish he was still here. But to come back into my life and me into his at this time meant I got to give him a send off, and friendship, excitement and positivity in the last year of his life here.

I got to walk him home. 

 

It’s a huge honour to walk someone home.

 

 

 

TLDR:

*Thank you, Rob, for letting me walk you home . We will have that meal together one day, I promise.

*It’s cliche but I’m so glad he isn’t in pain anymore. He’d often describe his days as “agony.”

*Not my greatest piece of writing but it’s been hard to go a day without crying since.

*I tried to keep it short. I can’t do a better job than this atm. 🙁 🙁

*Please support me on Odysee and my socials.

 

 

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All content is no copyright infringement intended. All posts are opinion only and are subject to change due to experience, kicking ass and learning how to adult more effectively. If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Elements of original content may be reproduced with expressed permission from Ever Eden

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