You’d be Surprised
July 9, 2020 10:32 am Leave your thoughts
Work, relationships, bills/other often take up time and headspace most people directly around me have to focus on. They don’t seem to do much art. We can’t be in three places at once, so we make choices to sacrifice things to ensure others keep moving. I’ve known someone who made a tough decision to leave a good band so they could work more hours and pay off their house. I’ve watched someone I know put off the novel they were writing due to a faulty Ipad they couldn’t afford to replace and work commitments until it probably left their mind years ago (didn’t leave mine and I’m hoping they do it!)
Art, writing, music, dramatic performance have constantly featured in my life since childhood. I wilt if I’m not doing them. I can’t recall anything I’ve done purely for accolades but I don’t feel good unless I’m working on a project or producing results. It was a choice, has its own consequences, and I don’t begrudge anyone else for the paths they chose. I’d be doing this stuff anyway, audience or not…But we all like it when friends and family support our efforts. Psychology says, “we all want to be seen.” When I saw a few questions in writer’s groups on how to deal with people who don’t support creative endeavours, there were common themes I thought I’d address here.
You released your book. You weren’t thinking it was going to change the world or anything crazy, but you’re proud you finally completed it because it’s taken more effort that anyone would believe. You’re not going to brag about it, you’re just exhausted and relieved, but it doesn’t stop people judging you. Some of the comments seemed to be from people experiencing some of the following! You’d be surprised how many are common.
Struggletown friend
If you’ve been unlucky the last few years, some personal issues you’ve divulged to people at your lowest, you end up with a role you didn’t apply for. When you display your faults, some people assign you that persona – the hard luck friend, the one who always has something wrong and will probably never amount to much so you aren’t a threat/on their radar. They like you, they just don’t hold much hope for you. When you change these things/your life is on the upswing, though probably happy for you, it unsettles something in them too/ something in the dynamic. It’s like they think it won’t last, that you will fuck it up, or they just don’t believe someone with the problems you’ve had is capable or deserving of your most recent triumph. What if you get “too” good? What if you do “better” than them somehow? Wait, how do they assign you a label and think of you now? Now they feel weird about their perceptions of the world around them and you’ve thrown something off in the way they relate to everything.
Just another scheme friend
Your bravery was probably once inspiring but now they’re accustomed to your jack-of-all-trades attitude/ability and they don’t really care about you recent project. In fact, they’re coming across as kind of resentful. Have they attempted anything similar or tried something different in their life? Nope, but fuck you for doing all this stuff, most of which looks like it doesn’t go anywhere, from their angle. Why do you even bother with all this anyway? Don’t you already get enough attention? *rolls eyes* Okay, fine, I’ll come to your book launch/play/exhibit/TED talk/presentation but I will sit in the corner and play on my phone because meh, I’ve seen you before. You’ve got enough suckers here supporting you anyway so that should do. It probably doesn’t make you feel angry but question the friendship and fell bewildered. Does this person somehow actually dislike you because you were willing to take a chance and fail?
Just don’t get it friend
You’re their friend. And that’s all. It’s cool you did that thing, that time, whatever…but they aren’t really interested in that side of your life. You could (if they asked and you wanted to) explain awesome things about your book/art/project and they will digest your words with a semi-glazed look, rehearsing what they’re going to say next until it’s time to let that baby fly, then they will change the subject. I don’t get it. Why do you care so much? Okay, just stop talking so we can go back to the stuff that t hat I know about because I like to stay basic and don’t understand why people get so crazy about things. Sometimes this person is mentally incapable, busy, thinks they’ve had too much stimulation or stress to want to get involved with anything that requires pleasantries or thought.
Not big enough friend
Okay, you published a book with a small publishing house or you indie published it. They don’t know the industry or just how many self-published books are in the mainstream and are best sellers and even made into films but…the fact you did it yourself means no one believed in you enough soooo why should I? Really, it’s good you did that miniscule release but unless you have a 6 figure deal and I see your book in an established worldwide bookstore…I reserve my care factor. Indie publishing your book takes a lot of money, time and self marketing. You are awesome. Fuck this person. I know it hurts a little when they have this attitude because you don’t have an hour to explain the ways the industry has changed or the amount of work you’ve done, but don’t worry. They are jealous because you had the balls to believe in yourself and put your money where your mouth is to pay for all the costs. They’re ignorant to the subject you’re involved in, that’s all. Just let them be, move on and let your work speak for itself. 😛
I have too much grown up stuff
They have kids or a mortgage or 150 cats to feed and a headache. Something else they have going on is more “adult” (from their perspective) and they need to do it so… Hey, that’s great, lucky you, I have to be at work 40 hours a week, you know how it is. My mortgage says I can’t do things like you can, time to think up a plot, I’m too tired by the time I get home, you know, cos I work so much. Cool. They chose to have things you don’t, and those things make it so they have to keep that afloat. They shouldn’t make those snide comments and backhanded compliments to you for choosing a different path because you know as well as I do, it comes with its own set of problems! No one has it easy, it’s just different from theirs. It can get frustrating but as the previous paragraph said, do your work and maybe it will speak for itself enough that they are inspired to one day take a break from their rat-race and do the same 🙂
Hang out with people who are always up for your next project. Don’t listen to the negative (unless it’s constructive,) and carry on. When you find people who genuinely want you to succeed, trust me, it’s the coolest feeling. There will be people out there excited for you and who will cheer you on, people who are confident in their own abilities and paths and don’t see you as competition. Don’t stop at the aforementioned types, even though many comments were saying they were surrounded by them. There are others who will inspire and encourage you to keep putting art out into the world.
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Tags: another scheme friend, author, author advice, brave, burn this mofo, creative streak, dynamic, encouragement, famous, frenemy, friends, hard luck, indie, indie publish, jack of all trades, jealousy, not big enough, novel, peers, publisher, resentment, scheme, struggle, struggletown, support, winnie the pooh, Wisdom, writer